


Set Me Free

by cym70



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-07-12 14:31:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7109212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cym70/pseuds/cym70
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being roommates gives Lapis and Peridot a lot of time to get to know each other and, despite their rocky history, they might just be able to make something entirely new.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, and welcome to this (not so) little Lapidot fic inspired by Barn Mates and requested by my lovely Ruby, [clawrenceon](https://clawrenceon.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> This is looking to be about five chapters, though I'll see how things play out once I've gotten more of it written. Please feel free to comment or to come visit my [Tumblr](http://cym70.tumblr.com/)!

Things had been fairly uneventful since the baseball game and, much to Lapis’ relief, Peridot had mostly taken to leaving her alone. Lapis often took up residence on the roof—high places felt safer after months below the ocean’s surface—and Peridot stayed inside tinkering with whatever her latest project was. They stayed out of each other’s way ninety-nine percent of the time, and the other one percent consisted of awkwardly saying hello in passing and perhaps exchanging a quick smile.

She couldn’t start trusting Peridot overnight but, after some thought, she was willing to try and coexist with her. And that seemed to be working so far, even if their minimal contact was hardly something to be proud of. Steven kept asking after them, but Lapis deflected the questions and took him on short flying trips instead.

However much she had changed, Peridot was still just a big reminder of how horribly wrong her long-awaited return to Homeworld had gone.

* * *

It took several weeks before they even held a real conversation, and that was due more to an accident than any intentional decision on Lapis’ part.

Namely, she’d fallen through the roof and landed directly on top of Peridot’s television set in the middle of _Camp Pining Hearts_.

“Gah!” Peridot shrieked. “Lazuli!”

Lapis groaned and picked herself up off the now slightly dented television slowly.

“What did you _do?_ ” Peridot demanded, hurrying over and standing there with her hands half-outstretched like she wanted to help the other gem up but wasn’t quite brave enough to try.

She ignored the offer and stood, dusting off her skirt. “Nothing. The roof broke.”

“That much is obvious,” she replied, crossing her arms. She hesitated, looking Lapis over. “Are you alright?”

Lapis blinked in surprise, then looked away. “I’m fine.”

“You landed on your gem.”

She shrugged. “You do it all the time and you’re not cracked yet.”

Peridot scowled and circled around Lapis to look at her back. “You’re intact,” she declared.

Lapis swiveled around to face her, not particularly keen on showing her any type of vulnerability.

“Well,” Peridot continued, moving along like nothing had happened, “I’ll have you know you just interrupted my favorite episode.”

“What a tragedy.”

“But,” she said, pressing a few buttons on the TV and kicking aside some of the debris scattered around it, “everything seems to be in working order.” She cleared her throat. “You’re already on my side of the barn, so…would you care to join me, Lazuli?”

Lapis stared down at her, analyzing the nervous smile on the technician’s face far more than she needed to. It was strange, feeling so unthreatened by this small gem when only a few months previous she had been an embodiment of the changes Lapis hated. “Sure.”

Peridot was so taken aback by the positive response she practically flung the remote across the room.

Lapis caught it just as it went by her head and pushed it back into Peridot’s hands on her way to the couch.

“I-I can show you the very first episode and explain all the characters’ relationships and—”

“No.”

She deflated slightly. “Well, you’ll understand how great it is anyway!”

Lapis waited as Peridot started up the video from the beginning, not speaking.

“You’re going to _love_ this,” she continued excitedly.

“Probably not.”

“Trust me, you’re going to want to know every single detail about the campers and the subplots and the sub _text_ , and luckily for you I’ve studied it extensively and can relate numerous observations about the show _and_ its production and—”

“Peridot?” Lapis interrupted.

“Yes?”

“One episode.”

“One is all it takes! You can get _so much_ from repeat viewings!”

She sunk down in her seat. “I hate it already.”

* * *

Somehow, watching one episode—which had quickly turned into five episodes—of an Earth entertainment program warmed Lapis to Peridot. There was something oddly _safe_ about resting her head on the arm of the sofa and listening to Peridot babble about these ridiculous characters while she could barely match names to faces.

Or…maybe it was that Peridot was showing genuine concern for her now instead of just throwing poorly thought out gifts in her direction. She much preferred the blanket and pillow Peridot loaned her with a hopeful smile after the first two episodes. The folds of the blanket settled around her shoulders and slipped over her gem and she felt warm for the first time in months.

Lapis’ still-exhausted form gave in to sleep halfway through the fifth episode despite her best efforts. She woke what must have been several hours later, still wrapped up in the same blanket, to quiet mechanical workings below her and a soft humming of the _Camp Pining Hearts_ theme song that she probably wasn’t meant to hear.

Lapis leaned over to watch Peridot for a moment and then slipped out via the new hole in the roof. It would rain soon, and she should ask Steven how to fix it. Peridot’s technology junk probably wouldn’t take well to the water and one good turn deserved another, right?

She ended up borrowing a bundle of supplies from Steven’s dad, who had fixed a different section of the roof not long before her arrival. Lapis could already tell she was going to be tired out from the work ahead of her by the time she flew all of the materials out to the barn, so she took a seat outside for a little while to rest. It was frustrating, feeling so drained constantly and being worn out whenever she used her powers. She couldn’t tell if it was a temporary effect of her fusion with Jasper or something permanent, but she hoped desperately it was the former. She needed to be able to defend herself properly should anything happen.

Something would happen, of course. It always did.

“I didn’t know you were interested in building things, Lazuli.”

Was it really too much to ask for some peace and quiet? She blinked the brightness of the sun out of her eyes. “I’m not. It’s for the roof.”

“Do you, um, want help with that?” Peridot offered.

“I’ve got it,” Lapis said stubbornly. She used the water from the “lake” to help her lift some of the wood up to the roof. “I just need one of your…” She made a small hammer from the water in the air.

She nodded quickly and darted inside to grab one. “Here you go!” Peridot presented it to Lapis eagerly.

“Thanks,” she replied. She spread her wings and began to fly up to the roof, but stopped halfway. “I brought enough to cover up that huge hole in the side of the barn too.”

The other gem brightened instantly. “Okay! I’ll start drawing up renovation plans!”

Peridot took off before Lapis could even begin to mention that she had only intended to fix the necessary portions of the barn to keep out the elements, not do any kind of redecorating. Thankfully it turned out that the technician’s idea of renovating was just moving things around to maximize the space and make a slightly more elaborate setup for her TV, DVD player, and _Camp Pining Hearts_ collection. Lapis continued to focus on the roof as planned, occasionally squinting down at the other gem to see what she was doing.

Peridot wasn’t very strong, and that surprised Lapis a little. It seemed to take a fair amount of effort for her to lift heavier items and she worked around the larger things without even trying to move them. Finally taking some pity on her as she stood there glaring at a huge box, Lapis leaned down.

“Where do you want it?”

She looked up quickly, eyes wide. “Oh!” She thought for a moment, and then pointed to one corner. “Over there, if we can put it on your side.”

“I don’t really care.” Lapis used some water to pull it out of the way, and then flicked her wrist to push the propeller and paint cans over to Peridot’s side. “Trade,” she said with a faint smile when Peridot stared up at her.

“Thanks!”

* * *

Fixing the barn took the better part of two days, largely because Lapis had no experience building anything and Peridot still wasn’t accustomed to doing hard labor without the aid of technology.

They eventually settled into a comfortable routine in fixing the wall, Peridot scaling a ladder to nail in planks while Lapis hovered next to her, helping hold them in place and providing nails whenever they were needed. Peridot found some paint on the second day, so they used that to cover their functional, if somewhat unsightly, repairs.

Steven came by that afternoon and was more than happy to see them working together on it which, to Lapis, justified the whole ordeal of figuring out how to use human tools.

“It looks great!” Steven said delightedly, smiling up at them. “I bet it’ll feel more like home now!”

“And stay standing,” Peridot said dryly as she scrambled down the ladder to grab some more paint.

“Do you guys need any help?”

“Not really. Lazuli is surprisingly competent at simple repairs. She makes an excellent assistant.”

“I’m not your assistant,” Lapis said, floating down beside them. “Hello, Steven.”

“Hi, Lapis! Are you having fun?”

She laughed a little. “I don’t know about _fun_ , but it could be worse.”

“Well, if you _do_ want to have some fun,” he said brightly, “I had an idea!”

If there was one thing Lapis and Peridot agreed on, it was that they’d both drop whatever they were doing for Steven, so they followed him into the barn without question.

“I thought maybe we could decorate inside too,” he announced, sitting down on the floor by the line he had drawn upon their initial encounter. He pulled out a box of markers and picked out a blue one for Lapis. “And we can cover this up. Here you go, draw whatever you want!”

“I thought you said the line would contribute to our new arrangement,” Peridot said, inspecting the rest of the pack of markers and sliding out multiple colors to examine them.

“Yeahhh, I found the rest of that episode and apparently it doesn’t work that well,” he replied, laughing nervously. “So I thought we could just make it into something cool instead!”

“I see.”

“We’re just going to draw on the floor?” Lapis asked doubtfully. “Why?”

“Because it’s fun! And working together will help you guys get to know each other, right?”

“Okay,” she agreed, settling down on her stomach on the floor and looking at the line for a moment before turning to Peridot. “Can you draw?”

“Of course I can!” she said indignantly. “I’m excellent at making diagrams!”

Lapis made no effort to disguise the small snort of laughter that escaped her.

“Can _you_ draw?” Peridot huffed, cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

She shrugged, popping the cap off the marker curiously and drawing a few careful lines onto the floor. “Something like this, right?” she asked, lines quickly coming together to create a small image of Steven.

Steven and Peridot leaned over her shoulders from either side.

“Whoa, you’re really good, Lapis!” Steven exclaimed.

“It’s so accurate,” Peridot agreed in an awed voice.

Lapis’ hand stilled for a moment self-consciously. “It’s—It’s like what I did in the mirror, that’s all.”

“But this is nicer, right?” Steven asked, concerned.

“Yeah,” she said with a small smile. “Yeah, this is a lot nicer.”

The two of them continued to hover around her as she finished Steven and went on to draw Peridot as well. “There,” she declared as she finished. She put the cap on the marker and handed it back to Steven as she sat up, stretching her arms.

“You’re not going to draw you?” Steven asked.

Lapis stared down at the picture for a moment. “Nah.”

“Oh. Okay. Um, maybe Peridot can draw you then!”

“Me?” Her voice rose to an even higher pitch. “Let Lazuli do it; that way it’s an accurate model of—”

“It’s okay if it doesn’t match,” Steven encouraged her. “It doesn’t have to be perfect.”

Peridot glared at the set of markers for a moment before pulling out the dark blue one Lapis had just returned to its place. “Fine.” She gave Lapis a long, scrutinizing look and then turned her attention to the floor. She drew a wobbly circle and slowly began adding shapes until it began to resemble Lapis, looking up every so often to use her as a reference. She pulled out other markers to add and mix more colors as best she could with the limited selection. “There,” she said finally, “it’s Lazuli.”

Lapis squinted down at the image. “It is?”

“Obviously!”

“Why do I have four arms?”

“Those are your wings!”

“Right,” she said skeptically. “And what happened to my hair?”

“It’s doing that—that fancy flowy thing it does!” Peridot replied, flustered.

“If you say so.”

Peridot threw the marker at her, scowling.

Lapis wrinkled her nose as the marker bounced off her cheek and was tempted to throw it back, but she was suddenly struck by how ridiculous the whole situation was. Stranded on Earth again—by choice—with a Peridot drawing pictures for her.

Peridot stared as quiet laughter bubbled out of Lapis’ mouth, shoulders shaking with mirth. “Oh, come on, it’s not _that_ bad!” she huffed. “At least I gave you a nose! And fingers!”

Lapis shook her head, unable to stop.

“Steven, make her stop laughing at me!”

“Uhh…”

“I’m not laughing at you,” Lapis said, catching her breath. “Or…not very much. It’s just funny.”

“ _What’s_ funny?”

“Nothing,” she said, shaking her head and pushing her hair out of her face. She picked up the box of markers and waved them in Peridot’s direction. “I’ll draw, you color.”

“Oh,” Peridot said, mollified. “Alright then.”

“Steven, what do you want me to draw?” Lapis asked.

“Anything! Oh, how about you draw the rest of the Crystal Gems? That way everybody’s here.”

She nodded, snapping the cap off the marker once more. “Sure.”

The three of them stayed there for over an hour, Steven and Peridot practically gluing themselves to either side of Lapis as she drew, making suggestions or adding in their own drawings.

Lapis smiled as Steven wrote _HOME AWAY FROM HOMEWORLD_ in an arc over the scene and couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt even this tiny sliver of belonging. She wasn’t sure it would ever really feel like “home” but if she had to choose somewhere, she was glad she’d stuck around on Earth.

* * *

As she slowly and steadily began to learn more about Peridot—as an individual, not just the gem that dragged her back to Earth as an informant—Lapis started to feel slightly guilty about how she’d treated her. Not that Peridot hadn’t _deserved_ some of it, but she began to realize that the tape recorder she’d so readily crushed was quite important to the other gem. She was clearly at her most comfortable when she was keeping logs and while she had since taken to trying to write them in a small notebook, it was clear that writing frustrated her with how long it took.

One night, when Peridot was busy with who-knows-what, Lapis grabbed the broken recorder from what was formerly Peridot’s side of the room and slipped out discreetly. She flew it over to the temple, knocking lightly on the door and feeling rather out of place as she waited.

It was Pearl who answered the door, a shadow of guilt entering her eyes as it always did when she saw Lapis.

“Hi,” Lapis began awkwardly. She clutched the tape recorder securely in her fist.

“Hello,” Pearl replied. “Did you need something? Steven’s getting ready for bed, but—”

“I wanted to see you, actually.”

“Oh, alright.” Pearl stepped aside. “Come in.”

“Thanks.” Lapis looked around the temple briefly. It looked much the same as it did last time she was there—in the mirror, not in person—and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. “Um,” she began, looking back to Pearl, “Steven and Peridot said you were good at building things.”

The taller gem did a quick double take, apparently having expected the conversation to go another direction. “Yes, I know quite a bit about engineering.”

“I want you to fix something for me,” Lapis said quickly, thrusting the recorder towards Pearl. “Please.”

Pearl took it, holding it gingerly on the tips of her fingers. “Peridot’s tape recorder?”

She nodded. “I broke it. Before.”

“I did wonder why she was monologuing less than usual.” She sighed, turning it around to inspect the damage. “It would be easier to replace the whole thing. Human electronics aren’t terribly sturdy to begin with, and you did quite a number on it.”

Lapis lowered her eyes. “So you can’t fix that one?” Giving Peridot a new recorder seemed a little less meaningful than fixing the one she had ruined.

“I never said that!” Pearl drew herself up proudly. “I’ll have it ready in the morning.”

“Thank you,” she replied, relieved.

“You’re welcome.” She hesitated. “Lapis—”

“I’ll pay you back somehow.”

“That’s not necessary,” Pearl said with a faint smile. “We’re allies now.”

“…Yeah.” Lapis returned the smile cautiously. “Thanks.”

“You know you’re welcome here too? You don’t have to stay at the barn all the time.”

“I know.” She spread her wings again and flew back outside. She appreciated the gesture, and she knew Steven wanted her to spend more time with the other Crystal Gems as well, but she was mostly just trying to take one day at a time. Figuring Peridot out was enough of a challenge for now.

* * *

The following morning, Lapis retrieved the recorder from Pearl. True to her word, the device looked completely repaired, and Pearl handed over a small stack of cassette tapes for Lapis to include as well.

She wasn’t really sure how to present Peridot with the gift, so she just stuck everything in the middle of Peridot’s often-unused-but-perpetually-messy new bed.

When the other gem finally made her way in that direction, approximately halfway through the afternoon, she stopped dead in her tracks.

“It’s yours,” Lapis said cautiously.

Peridot rushed over and snatched it up, eyes wide as she examined the recorder closely. She turned to Lapis with a wide, wobbly smile.

“I…got your number?” Lapis tried, awkwardly mimicking the pointing gesture Peridot had made.

Peridot nodded tearfully, the tape recorder clutched to her chest as happy noises bubbled up instead of words.

“Okay.” She turned to leave.

“Lazuli!” A small hand grabbed her wrist, and she twisted back around to look at Peridot. “Wow, thanks,” she offered, blushing.

“It’s not a big deal,” Lapis muttered. “I broke it, so I fixed it. Actually, Pearl fixed it.”

The small gem’s hand tightened on her wrist. “Well, it means you want to be friends, right?”

“It means…being ‘roommates’ with you isn’t so bad.” She looked away. “And maybe. On the friends thing.”

“Yes!” Peridot said happily. “That works!”

“Good.” Lapis carefully extracted herself from Peridot’s grip. “I’m going up to the roof, so you can…do whatever it is you like to do with that thing.”

“Wait!” she said quickly, before Lapis could take off. “We should partake in traditional activities together to commemorate this occasion! Do you want to marathon _Camp Pining Hearts_ later? Or build a blanket fort? Or play truth or dare? Or have a pillow fight? Or—”

“Sure,” Lapis interrupted before the list got any longer or weirder. “Um, the first one.”

“Okay!” Peridot gave her a thumbs up.

Lapis returned it uncertainly, spreading her wings and pushing off the ground. “See you later, Peridot.”

“See you later,” she called as she flew off. “Thanks, Lazuli!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I'm so sorry for the delay on this chapter; it just did not want to cooperate with me for some reason. Updates should (hopefully) be a bit faster from now on, though I'm participating in the pearlshipping bomb this week so I may not be able to work on chapter 3 right away.
> 
> Thank you for all the kind comments on the first chapter, and enjoy!

The two of them eased into a more comfortable pattern as time passed. Lapis still spent a decent portion of her day resting, and had taken to doing so indoors after the roof incident, which worked fine as Steven had made sure she and Peridot both had beds to use if they wanted. As she steadily began to recover, she graduated from sleeping every day to sleeping every other day, and the progress eased her mind. Peridot, meanwhile, didn’t seem to use her bed as anything more than a workspace, and instead holed up with the TV, accommodating Lapis’ schedule by turning it to a lower volume when she was sleeping.

Upon waking, Lapis would say a quick hello and then disappear to explore, sometimes with Steven and sometimes without. There was still so much to see on Earth, and so many new things she couldn’t have imagined from inside a mirror staring up at the same sky for hundreds and thousands of years. And flying—flying always made her feel better, made her forget the nightmares that started creeping in on her when she was asleep.

Once she got tired or once the sun started setting—it was the latter more often now—she returned to the barn. By that time, Peridot was usually in the middle of some project, with strange protective gear layered over her visor or greasy smudges all over her fingers or various small tools clenched between her teeth.

Lapis would go over to the sofa and sit down on one end, toes curling around the edge of the cushion and arms draping loosely around her knees as she played with the remote. When Peridot noticed she was there—either seconds or minutes later—Lapis would hand it over silently and wait for her to queue up the next episode of _Camp Pining Hearts._

Peridot would give a brief summary of where they’d left off the previous day, which wasn’t really necessary. Contrary to what Peridot seemed to think, Lapis understood the show perfectly fine, she just couldn’t find it in herself to _care_ who was in what cabin and which human was supposed to like Percy and whatever else it was the other gem kept going on about. It was hardly the paragon of entertainment it was made out to be, but it gave her something to do and it gave her a chance to see the more open, enthusiastic Peridot that hadn’t been apparent in their previous Homeworld encounters. And it was, maybe, just a little bit fun looking for the numerous plot holes and trying to debunk the other gem’s intricate theories.

Peridot, meanwhile, just seemed overjoyed that there was someone willing to watch the show with her, despite all the criticism. Lapis got the impression that the other Crystal Gems had only been able to take so much of it or at least didn’t have nearly as many feelings about it as Peridot did.

They usually ended up watching the show for at least three hours, usually bordering more on six or seven. Peridot dragged over some of what she was working on and tinkered with it as she watched so she wasn’t wholly unproductive during that time.

“It’s called multitasking, Lazuli, and highly qualified gems such as myself are exceptional at it,” she said when first asked.

Peridot was not, in fact, good at multitasking. Or rather, Lapis discovered, she was selectively good at it as long as she didn’t get too interested in one of the tasks. At times she could be elbows deep in technology Lapis could barely make sense of, follow the episode of _Camp Pining Hearts_ she’d put on, and offer commentary on both. However, it all tended to go out the window as soon as she encountered a particularly challenging problem or one of her favorite scenes came on, and everything else got abandoned so she could stick her face up close to whatever she was doing and watch intently for every detail.

“What are you working on?” Lapis asked one day when Peridot got particularly interested in her work and had started mumbling to herself as she attacked something with a screwdriver.

“Huh? It’s a blast cannon,” she replied.

“What do you need a blast cannon for?” Lapis asked suspiciously.

“What _don’t_ I need a blast cannon for?” Peridot said emphatically, arms flung wide. “If Yellow Diamond’s after me, I need to be able to defend myself!”

Lapis blinked. “Oh, right. I don’t think Yellow Diamond cares much about you though. Wasn’t she more concerned about Jasper?”

“I’m still a wanted gem, Lazuli!” She stuck her arm into a metal cylinder lying next to her and thrust it out in front of her. “I can’t replicate my old equipment with these limited Earth components, but I can at least get a cannon working.”

She nodded, picking up the nearest piece of equipment and looking it over. She knew very little about Earth’s technology and was horribly out of touch with Homeworld’s, so it all seemed the same to her. “Um,” she began after an extremely long moment in which she knew Peridot was staring at her, “do you want help?”

Peridot didn’t respond at first, but then nodded so quickly it looked like it hurt, a smile spreading across her face. She looked around rapidly, picking out a few items and scooting closer to Lapis as she began to explain them. “These are some old human things Amethyst let me have. You just need to use the screwdriver to take them apart—see, here and here and here? That’ll give me some of the wires and other things I need.”

“Okay.” Lapis moved to sit cross-legged, letting her skirt act as a sort of table for her to place the items on. “I can do that, I think.”

“Thanks!” Peridot replied, settling in where she was and pulling everything closer to her as Lapis started taking it apart. “Make sure you still pay attention to this episode, it contains a _lot_ of foreshadowing for events in the next season and you don’t want to miss anything.”

“What, like your Percy doing something stupid again and messing things up for his own team?”

Lapis was then subjected to a treatise on why Percy was a smart, often underestimated camper who utilized his intelligence best in tandem with—of course—Pierre and only started making stupid mistakes when he was emotionally compromised. “And while I certainly don’t _object_ to you calling him such,” Peridot continued, “he’s not _my_ Percy. He’s a fictional human who I ultimately have no control over. If I did, this series would have ended _very differently._ ”

“Right. I think I might have broken something,” Lapis said blandly, interrupting before she could keep going.

“Already?” Peridot sighed, snatching the device away from her and glancing it over. “You have a remarkable propensity for overkill.” She inspected it thoroughly and then declared, “It’s just the casing. Nothing else is damaged.”

“Oh, good.” She paused. “I do not have a propensity.”

The technician gave her a skeptical look. “I can think of a multitude of evidence to the contrary.”

“Name it.”

“…You smashed yourself into a fusion with an angry Quartz and chained her to a planet you both hated.”

Lapis stared at her.

“I mean, there’s more, but that’s really all the evidence you need.”

“Point taken,” she said icily. “But I’d appreciate it if you _didn’t_ bring up some of the worst few months of my life.”

“Sorry,” Peridot squeaked, eyes darting around nervously. “I won’t do it again.”

Lapis reached for the screwdriver she’d set between them, chest constricting when Peridot flinched at the sudden movement. She pushed the screwdriver and everything else back towards the technician. “Here. I don’t know what to do with this stuff.” She stared down at her knees, feeling like she’d done something wrong. She didn’t _like_ that she made the other gem so jumpy. “I’d just rather not talk about her,” she added quietly. “Malachite, I mean.”

She nodded quickly. “I understand.”

Lapis gave her a small smile. “But I guess you weren’t wrong about the overkill.”

Peridot relaxed a little, returning the smile nervously. “It’s not a _bad_ quality to have. It would just help if you put a little more thought into it.”

“Yeah, I’ll…work on that.”

She nodded, then carefully moved over so that she was sitting right next to Lapis. She picked up the screwdriver again and placed it in Lapis’ hand. “I can show you.”

Lapis fingers curled hesitantly around the handle. “Okay.”

Peridot guided her through the disassembly process quickly, letting Lapis do most of the work and just offering tips as she went along. She even went to the trouble of explaining how she was putting everything together, demonstrating some things and directing Lapis through others authoritatively.

“And that,” she declared, “is all I can do today. I need to get some more spare parts before I can start working on the actual blaster.” She glanced up at the television. “Oh no, we missed the part with the friendship bracelets! Can I rewind?”

“Yeah, you can start it over,” Lapis agreed.

“Great!” Peridot reached across Lapis to grab the remote. She had to stretch to reach it and she accidentally toppled over in the process, ending up slumped over Lapis’ legs for approximately two seconds before she scrambled backwards and took up residence on the far end of the sofa. “Sorry!”

“It’s fine,” Lapis said. “You don’t have to be all the way over there.”

The smaller gem’s face flushed in embarrassment. “Reflex,” she muttered. “I’m never really sure what’s going to bother you.”

“It didn’t,” she replied. “And don’t worry about it. You’ll know when something bothers me.”

Peridot laughed a little. “Yeah.” She scooted closer again, leaving about a foot between them.

“You’re not actually scared of me, are you?” Lapis asked hesitantly.

She looked up quickly. “Well…I’m aware you could smash me into shards if you wanted to, but I’d like to think I’ve made enough progress that that’s no longer a viable fear.”

She laughed quietly. “I never wanted to smash you; I just wanted to get away from you.”

“I _know_ ,” Peridot said emphatically. “That’s why I—I want to make sure this works out and I don’t make any more mistakes.” Her shoulders hunched. “I don’t know how this sort of thing works, but I feel it’s…an optimal living arrangement and I have no desire to terminate it.”

Lapis’ expression relaxed. “I trapped a gem much bigger than you in a fusion and _that’s_ what you’re worried about?”

“Hey, you just told me not to bring that up!”

“Sure, but _I’m_ allowed to,” she said with a faint smile. “And…thanks, I guess. It’s fine if you still make mistakes though. I’m pretty bad at this too.”

“Yes, you are.”

Lapis flicked a couple drops of water at Peridot’s face, making her jolt back irritably.

“Lazuli! You’re going to ruin my equipment!”

“No, I won’t,” she replied, rolling her eyes. “Are we going to watch this or not?”

“Of course we are!” Peridot quickly set the DVD to play from the beginning again, grabbing a pillow and holding it close to her chest as she leaned forward excitedly.

Lapis watched her with amusement as the recap and theme song began to play. “Hey, Peridot.”

“What?” she asked distractedly.

“Want to go flying tomorrow?”

“ _Flying?_ ” Peridot repeated, turning to stare at her.

“Yeah. You showed me all this,” Lapis said awkwardly, gesturing to the electronics scattered around them. “So…do you want to come with me?”

“I don’t see the correlation.”

She shrugged. “You showed me something you like; I’ll show you something I like?”

“Oh.” Peridot blushed. “I-I suppose that would be acceptable.”

“You’re not scared of heights, are you?”

“Of course not!” she said indignantly. “I’ve gone flying before!”

Lapis looked her up and down. “You have?”

“With my enhancers, obviously!”

“Right,” she said skeptically. “So you want to?”

“Absolutely!”

* * *

The two of them spent the rest of the night watching TV, both of them starting to get drowsy as the evening wore on. Eventually, Peridot fell asleep, her head drooping sideways onto Lapis’ shoulder.

Lapis looked between Peridot and the television set uncomfortably, not sure what to do. In the end, she lowered the volume to a quiet murmur and moved Peridot over a little as she settled in for the night herself, curling her legs in and closing her eyes. It wasn’t as comfortable as the bed, but it would do.

Her dreams were bad that night, as usual—all dark and ringing quiet and water pressure in between snapshots of a war and a sky she hated and an explosion she’d expected to shatter her. And chains, so many heavy chains keeping her trapped, even though she had no idea where she was.

She was jolted back to consciousness by someone’s hand on her shoulder—too much, too close to her gem—and she instinctively shoved them away with hastily summoned water.

“Ow! Lazuli!”

Lapis slowly blinked the sleep out of her eyes and lifted her head to see a drenched Peridot watching her. “Oh, it’s just you,” she mumbled. “Don’t wake me up like that.”

“Noted,” Peridot said irritably, trying to push her soaked hair back into place. “I was attempting to be helpful, but I suppose waking you up in the middle of a nightmare wasn’t the best tactic.”

“No, it wasn’t.” Lapis hugged herself, trying her best to calm down. Her whole form felt on edge, and she wanted to run even though she knew there was no real threat there.

Peridot hovered around for a moment, then carefully perched on the very end of the sofa.

“You can go back to whatever you were doing,” she said dully, rubbing at her arms.

“I wasn’t doing anything,” the other gem replied with a shrug. “I just woke up a few minutes ago.”

“Oh.” Lapis didn’t say anything else, curling her fingers in and taking small breaths to help calm herself down. There was air here, so she wasn’t trapped anymore. The only voice in her head was _hers_ , not Jasper’s, not Malachite’s. Funny how all three started to sound the same sometimes.

“Lazuli?”

She shook her head, trying to force old thoughts back— _you’ll always be a prisoner, just get used to it._

“Lazuli.”

Lapis finally glanced at Peridot. “What?” she asked in a small voice.

“Do you want me to get Steven?”

“What for?”

“I don’t know. He’s better at making you smile than I am.”

Lapis’ eyes connected with Peridot’s, and the other gem looked away, a blush rising to her cheeks. “No,” Lapis replied slowly, “thanks. Just…stay here and talk for a minute.”

“Talk?”

“Yeah,” Lapis said with a faint smile. “Talk.”

“About what?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Uh, okay.” Peridot kicked her heels lightly against the cushions. “Homeworld or Earth?” she asked, and it occurred to Lapis that this seemed to be how the technician divided up her history: before Earth and after Earth. Before Steven and after Steven, a little like Lapis herself.

“Earth,” she decided.

“…I could tell you about how we defeated the Cluster?”

“Sure,” Lapis agreed. She repositioned herself, lying down with her head nearer to Peridot and dangling her legs over the side of the sofa. The soft pressure against her back was reassuring, no space left for anyone to get at her gem.

Peridot took to her task with enthusiasm. Her voice was too loud to really be soothing as she rushed through explanations and tried to illustrate particularly intense scenes with hand gestures and sound effects, but Lapis needed _noise_ more than she needed anyone trying to comfort her, so that was fine. She needed speech and interaction with someone who wasn’t going to hurt her or use her and while it was still hard to trust anyone completely, it was getting easier to trust Peridot, bit by bit.

Lapis let her eyes drift shut after a while as she listened to Peridot talk, moving one arm up to pillow her head, her closed fist brushing just the tiniest bit against Peridot’s leg and grounding her. Long after she had gone still—not asleep, though she probably looked it—a small hand came to rest lightly on her head. Lapis flinched a little at the unexpected contact, but she settled in again after a second, murmuring a soft “it’s fine” and letting Peridot’s nervous fingers card through her hair.

“Sorry,” Peridot said quietly, interrupting herself midway through a sentence. “About the nightmares.”

“They’re not your fault.” Lapis opened her eyes slightly. “Do you get them?”

The other gem squirmed a little, averting her gaze. “Sometimes. I think the only way to avoid them is to avoid sleeping.”

“That’s why you don’t sleep?”

“No! Well, a little bit, I guess.” Peridot paused. “It’s only happened a couple times,” she admitted, “so it’s not that bad. I’m just unaccustomed to having so-called ‘free time’; Peridots are kept busy back on Homeworld.”

“Mm.” Lapis let her eyes slip shut again. “You miss it.”

“…Some of it.” Her hand stilled, fingers tangled loosely in Lapis’ hair. “Not as much as I used to.”

“Yeah,” she said quietly. She pushed Peridot’s hand away carefully, sitting up. “Guess there’s no _Camp Pining Hearts_ back on Homeworld,” she said, trying to inject a lighter tone into the conversation.

“Yes, they’re severely lacking in that department.”

Lapis couldn’t really think of anything else to say, so she fell silent again, fidgeting with the hem of her skirt.

“Um, did you want me to keep talking?” Peridot asked tentatively. “I can talk about TV instead. Likely indefinitely, barring any emergencies.”

She glanced sideways, taking in the eager-to-please expression and still dripping-wet mop of hair on the gem next to her. Lapis shrugged, hiding a smile as she gathered the water together and pulled it away, leaving Peridot dry. “No, it’s alright, I’d rather just get out of here for a little while.”

“Oh, okay,” she said, pushing her hair back up away from her gem. “Catch you on the flip side.”

“…What?” Lapis asked. “Are you quoting something again?”

“Come on,” Peridot whined, “I _know_ they said it as recently as episode 63, and we watched that last night!”

“I was distracted by how awful it was.”

“I’m going to disown you as a roommate, Lazuli.”

“Fine, but you have to tell me what it means still.”

“It means I’ll see you tomorrow,” she huffed.

“Couldn’t you have just said that?” Lapis shook her head. “Anyway, I was going to invite you. Weren’t we supposed to—what was it—hold hands and watch the sun come up? As refugee bonding or whatever?”

“I didn’t say anything about holding hands!” Peridot replied, flustered. “But I guess I wouldn’t be opposed to—whoa!” She yelped as Lapis scooped her up off the ground, squirming and clinging onto her shoulder as the other gem flew them out the door and up onto the roof.

“There,” Lapis said, setting her down. “Let’s watch.”

The smaller gem looked at her for a moment before brushing herself off and sitting down carefully. “There’s another hour until sunrise.”

Lapis flopped down beside her, eyes wide as they scanned over the stars above them. “Okay.”

The two of them fell silent, Lapis tilting her head to observe Peridot as she looked up at the sky.

“Thanks for helping,” she said finally. “You didn’t have to.”

“What are roommates for?” Peridot replied brightly.

“Honestly, I have no idea.”

“Me neither; it was supposed to be rhetorical.”

They both laughed, and Lapis felt a small weight lift from her shoulders. “We’ll just keep on pretending we know what we’re doing then,” she said. “I think we’re getting the hang of it.”

“Yeah,” Peridot agreed happily, “we are.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I hope you've all been enjoying the summer episodes so far! This chapter incorporates some of what we learned about Peridot in Too Short To Ride, so if you're not caught up I'd recommend waiting to read this!

Watching the sun come up was…calming, Lapis decided. She’d done it a couple times on her own since arriving, but it was different to have Peridot beside her.

“You ready?” Lapis asked once the sun was well up into the sky and Peridot seemed to be getting fidgety with nothing to do.

“Ready?” Peridot repeated curiously.

“Flying,” she reminded her.

“Oh! Yes! Wait just a minute!” She scrambled off the roof, just barely avoiding falling flat on her face as she dropped to the ground.

Lapis flew down and waited for her, surprised when Peridot wobbled out of the barn on paint cans. “What are those for?” she asked, tilting her head.

“Special occasions,” Peridot said proudly.

“That’s…” Nice, actually, that Peridot recognized she wouldn’t have made the offer to just anyone. But also incredibly impractical. “You’re going to end up losing them,” she said bluntly.

The other gem frowned. “That’s it?” she asked, looking a bit disappointed with Lapis’ reaction. She stretched out one leg to show her the sides. “They’ve even got _flames._ ”

“Cute,” Lapis said with a shrug, mostly because she knew that was a surefire way to get under Peridot’s skin.

She scowled and stomped her foot, can clanging against the ground. “They’re supposed to be _cool._ ”

“Well, whatever they are, you’re better off leaving them here.”

“Fine,” Peridot sighed, kicking them off and muttering something about _oblivious out-of-touch Era 1 gems_. “What do I do?”

Lapis considered it for a moment, trying to gauge how she’d feel about Peridot being on her back like Steven. After some thought, she turned around and crouched down, spreading her wings. “Grab on.”

Peridot’s light footsteps approached her hesitantly, and small hands grasped her shoulders. “Like this?”

“Yep.” She reached behind her to grab Peridot’s legs, getting her into a more comfortable position. “You can let go once we’re in the air, but hold on for takeoff, alright?” Lapis said lightly.

“Got it,” Peridot replied, sounding a little nervous. “I’m ready.”

Lapis pushed off the ground easily, quickly adjusting for Peridot’s added weight as she flew. The barn grew small beneath them and Peridot’s fingers dug into her shoulders. She slowed down and remained steady at that height, flying out towards the city. “Okay?” she called over her shoulder.

“Yeah.” Peridot’s hands were still tense against her. “It’s just different this way.”

She knew Peridot well enough by now to understand she probably meant _it’s scary not being in control_ , so she reached back, tapping her fingers briefly on Peridot’s before securing her legs around her waist once more. “I won’t drop you.”

“I’ll hold you to that, Lazuli.”

Lapis smiled a little and dipped a little lower in the sky playfully. “Anything you want to see?”

“Hmm...I’ll leave it to your discretion.”

“Gotcha.” Lapis changed direction, flying back out towards the less populated areas. “You can call me Lapis, you know,” she added after a moment.

“No,” Peridot said stubbornly. “You're Lazuli. It sounds better.”

“Excuse me?” she asked, offended.

“Why are you upset? That was a compliment!”

“No, it wasn’t!”

“There's nothing _wrong_ with Lapis. Lazuli just sounds...cooler,” Peridot declared.

“Who made you the expert on ‘cool’?” Lapis asked dryly.

“I’m not an expert _yet_ , but I will be! Amethyst and Steven are teaching me.”

“Should have guessed.” She pointed below them. “Look, the leaves are all orange and brown now. Steven says they change color every year.”

“Huh.” Peridot leaned sideways to get a better view, making Lapis adjust her wings slightly. “A fascinating phenomenon. I noticed it with the trees near the barn, but haven’t had a chance to research it yet.” She paused. “It’s aesthetically pleasing though.”

Lapis snorted. “Right. Come on, I’ll take you on a tour of all the aesthetically pleasing stuff.”

“Okay!”

Peridot gradually relaxed as they kept flying, adding comments here and there which, to Lapis’ surprise, actually contributed to the peaceful, undemanding atmosphere. She would squeeze Lapis’ shoulders a little when she got excited about something and eagerly point out things below them that she knew or wanted to know about.

Lapis had planned to make it a short flight, but she lost track of time and it was close to noon when they returned to the barn. She knelt so Peridot could get down, hiding a smile as the smaller gem swayed a little upon standing. “What did you think?” she asked.

Peridot gave her two thumbs up. “I see why you find it so appealing now!”

Her eyes softened. “Yeah.”

“I should get some work done on my new equipment though. Want to help?”

“Not right now.” She still needed a little time on her own, despite how much fun she’d had. “See you later for _CPH_?”

“Okay,” she agreed easily.

“And, um, Peridot?” Lapis smiled shyly. “If you want to come flying with me again sometime, that’d be…cool.”

“Wow, thanks!”

* * *

The rest of the week was fairly uneventful and quiet. Amethyst and Steven had coaxed Peridot out of the barn for a little while one afternoon—she was pretty sure the Crystal Gems were still a little afraid Peridot and Lapis would end up murdering each other if left by themselves. They’d made progress though, in their own odd way, and Lapis actually missed her roommate when she returned to an empty barn that day, their usual routine interrupted.

She wasn’t alone for too long though, because Peridot came barreling in enthusiastically half an hour later with her hands full.

“Lazuli! Lazuli, guess what!”

Lapis looked up as the small gem came rushing into the barn, taking a hasty step out of the way so she’d go crashing into the sofa instead of her. “You…went shopping?” she tried, raising her eyebrows at the tablet strapped to Peridot’s arm, the strange toy on her finger, and the plush clutched close to her chest.

“Wrong!” Peridot said with a flourish, yanking the Velcro strap off her arm and tossing the tablet into the air enthusiastically. She flung a hand out and stopped it mid-air, hovering just past her fingertips, and then spun around in delight as the tablet followed her. “I have powers!”

“That’s…nice?” Lapis tried, not sure what the big deal was.

“Nice?” Peridot repeated, frowning as she let the tablet drop into her hand.

“What do you want me to say?” she said with a shrug. “Isn’t that normal? You’re a gem.”

“I’m an Era 2 Peridot!”

“Okay…?” she said uncertainly.

“You don’t think this is _cool?_ ” she asked, dissatisfied.

“Well, I mean…tech is already your thing. It’s not that surprising.”

“Well—Well, _fine_ ,” Peridot huffed. “Never mind then! I’ll go show off my new powers to someone who’ll appreciate them!”

“Wait, what?” Lapis asked blankly as Peridot stormed out as quickly as she’d come in. _New_ powers? Gems didn’t get new powers, that wasn’t how it worked.

She sat down on the edge of the couch and frowned down at the floor, feeling like she’d misstepped somewhere. There were still times when she and Peridot had trouble getting on the same page, and this was definitely one of them. Probably something to do with the massive changes she’d seen but not fully understood when she went back home—no, not home, just to Homeworld.

Lapis sighed and turned the TV on. Peridot would come back eventually, and she might as well keep herself occupied. She didn’t usually like the places her mind wandered without any distractions.

* * *

Peridot did come back, just over an hour later.

“We can’t mess up our schedule,” she explained as she sat herself down as far away from Lapis as the sofa allowed. She kept her tablet floating in the air beside her, though she wasn’t using it.

“Okay,” Lapis said carefully. “So, um, how was Funland?”

“Enjoyable, I suppose.” She sounded unenthusiastic, keeping her eyes glued to the TV screen.

“You went with Steven and Amethyst, right?”

“Right.”

“What’s that big thing you brought back?”

“An alien.” She spared a brief glare in Lapis’ direction. “Can we just watch the show already?”

Lapis pressed her lips together tightly and didn’t speak again for the rest of the episode. If Peridot didn’t want to talk to her, then she wouldn’t talk. It just felt particularly terrible when just that morning Peridot had been laughing with her, eyes bright as they flew out over nearby cities. She hadn’t _meant_ to offend her. She wasn’t even quite sure what the whole thing was about. “I’m sorry I wasn’t excited for you earlier,” she said quietly, picking at her skirt as the theme song at the start of the next episode started playing. “I didn’t know I was supposed to be.”

Peridot turned slightly, eyes darting to the other gem.

“…I mean, couldn’t you always do that?” Lapis asked tentatively.

“No!” Peridot exclaimed, looking mildly affronted. “I mean, yes, but I had no idea until today!”

“But you had your…” She made a vague gesture in the air. “Your weird detachable hand screen thing.”

“That was just my enhancers doing the work,” she said, waving her hand and nearly slamming the tablet into Lapis’ face by accident.

“Watch it,” Lapis said, catching it just in time.

“Oops.” Peridot reached for it back, making it float in front of her again with a little maneuvering. “Sorry.”

“Anyway, I don’t know what Peridots can do,” Lapis said with a shrug. “I just assumed you already had powers and didn’t use them much.”

“Well, I didn’t,” Peridot said, though her tone had softened slightly. She poked her toes into the cushion. “I didn’t think I had any at all.”

“Oh.”

“You really didn’t know, did you?” she asked, tilting her head. “You haven’t lived on Homeworld in millennia.”

“Yeah,” Lapis admitted. “There were so many changes when I returned, it was…a lot to take in. I still feel like I don’t know anything.”

“Do you want to know?” Peridot asked her.

She paused, then nodded. “Just—Just the parts that matter,” she clarified. “Not everything. Not tonight.”

“Okay,” the other gem agreed. She flashed Lapis a quick smile. “You know Homeworld’s resources are dwindling, right?”

“It didn’t really seem like it.”

“That’s only because you’re ancient.”

Lapis shot her a dark look.

“What? It’s true!”

“If I’m ancient, you were made yesterday.”

“I was _not!_ ” Peridot said indignantly. “And anyway, my point was that you’re clearly an Era 1 gem!”

“Era…?”

“Era 1,” she repeated. “From before. Era 2 gems aren’t nearly as powerful as you are—like me,” she added more quietly, thumb pressed hard against the small alien toy that was still attached to her finger. “That’s why I had the limb enhancers.”

“To make you look taller?”

“They weren’t just for _height_ ,” Peridot argued, a faint blush rising to her cheeks.

“It seemed like you enjoyed towering over other gems and calling them clods.”

“I _did_ ,” she replied, “but that wasn’t their real purpose!”

“Then what was?” Lapis asked.

“To help compensate for my presumed lack of ability.” She frowned. “Amethyst says I shouldn’t focus on things I _can’t_ do, but the fact is I’ve never been able to do things like shapeshift and I really don’t think _trying harder_ is going to fix that. I’m not even sure how I managed to activate this power.”

“Huh.” Lapis looked at her thoughtfully. “Weird.”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” she said after a moment, a small smile on her face, “good job then. That _is_ pretty cool.”

Peridot’s cheeks flooded with color. “R-Right!” she stammered. “Good! You finally understand how amazing I am!”

Lapis chuckled quietly as Peridot scrambled to busy herself with her DVDs. “Couldn’t you just use your fancy new powers for that?” she asked after a moment.

“Ohhh, you’re _right_ ,” Peridot said eagerly. She set the open case on the floor gently—something about _limited editions_ , if Lapis was remembering correctly—and came back over to the sofa, lifting her hands in a grand gesture. The disc worked its way out of the case slowly and drifted over to the DVD player.

Lapis watched curiously as Peridot contorted her arms into various arrangements to guide the DVD in. “You should practice.”

The smaller gem twisted around to give her an irritated look. “I haven’t even had my powers for a day and you’re criticizing them?”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” she said. “Just…I can show you. It’s probably not that different from mine?”

Peridot’s expression warmed somewhat. “Really?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, we _have_ to watch three episodes first so we’re not entirely ruining our viewing plan, but after that _yes please._ ” She hurried to start up the DVD.

Lapis laughed a little and poked at the alien plush that was currently wedged between them. “Okay. So how’d you get this thing?”

“It was a prize!” she replied triumphantly as she picked out the correct episode from the menu. “Isn’t it great? I used my powers to win it.”

“Isn’t that cheating?”

“That’s debatable,” Peridot said, grabbing the plush away from her and hugging it. “But it’s mine now. If you want one to match, we could go to Funland and cheat together!”

“I don’t think so,” Lapis said with a smirk. “But thanks for the offer.”

* * *

After their small marathon of _Camp Pining Hearts_ , Peridot eagerly began to round up all the scrap metal she could find, bringing it zooming towards her like a magnet at rather alarming speeds.

“Peridot,” Lapis began, ducking to avoid a pipe, “you might want to start with something small.”

The smaller gem lowered her hands, frowning. “Small?”

“ _Small._ ” She pointed to some nails.

“…Can I at least use my tablet?”

“You can, but it might not be in one piece by the end.”

“Okay, fine,” she relented. She lifted a small collection of nails, screws, and bolts from the ground. “Now what?”

“Now…” Lapis hesitated. She’d never really _taught_ anyone before. “Now you get used to moving it,” she decided. She pulled in some water from Peridot’s lake, forming small, precise rivulets to swirl in the air around them. “Just…experiment.”

Peridot nodded, arms stretched out in front of her and fingers flexing one at a time. Her face scrunched up as she focused, moving the metal around in her slow, jerky motions as she tried to figure it out.

Lapis watched for a while curiously. “Maybe don’t…” She wrinkled her nose. “You don’t need to pretend like you’re actually moving it with your hands,” she explained, catching the arm that Peridot had twisted sideways.

“Well, it seemed to work before,” she argued. “And you do it!”

“Huh?”

Peridot mimicked the flicking motion Lapis had made with the water hand back before they officially became roommates, sending a few nails spinning in the air. “When you saved me.”

“Oh, right.” Her cheeks flushed when Peridot stared back at her inquisitively. “I don’t usually have to do that. I was just really tired from everything, and it was easier that way. Mental shortcut.”

“So it _does_ work.”

“Yeah, but you’ll end up limiting yourself.” Lapis shrugged. “Water—or, uh, metal for you—can do a bunch of stuff you wouldn’t be able to do on your own.”

She nodded seriously. “So I should picture it in my head and not move at all?”

“Pretty much. Or, you know, just use small movements to guide it.”

Peridot took to practicing with her usual passion and Lapis mostly just sat back and watched as she worked out how best to manipulate her powers. She was far from perfect at it by the time Lapis convinced her to take a break and rest, but she learned incredibly fast and had figured out most of the basic techniques.

“You’ve got it,” she said with a smile as Peridot pulled her to her feet excitedly. “You’re actually pretty strong.”

Peridot beamed and grabbed her around the middle in a very quick, very enthusiastic hug. “Thanks, Lazuli! You’re the best!”

“You’re…welcome?” Lapis replied, a little stunned by the show of affection. She fought the urge to pull Peridot back towards her and hold on; her arms had felt very _safe_ , for that small moment.

“Maybe tomorrow I can try flying with you?” Peridot asked. “Using metal!”

“Yeah,” she said. “Sure. It’s pretty fun trying stuff together.” It was more true than she realized, and Lapis’ chest felt full with emotions she couldn’t quite name. Before she knew it, she was tilting her head down and pressing her lips to Peridot’s forehead—or rather, her visor, which felt cold and unforgiving and immediately made her draw back. “Uh, never mind,” she said under her breath, turning to leave.

“Lazuli!” Peridot got in front of her again and stood on her tiptoes. One hand pulled her visor off and the other reached out to draw Lapis’ head closer.

Lapis let out a small “ah!” of surprise as Peridot yanked her in too quickly and her nose collided with Peridot’s gem.

“Ow! That wasn’t right either,” Peridot muttered, looking flustered. “If we adjust your trajectory—”

“Just stay still,” Lapis said impatiently, face hot with embarrassment. She leaned forward and kissed a spot just to the left of Peridot’s gem. It still felt foreign to her because gems didn't really do this kind of thing on Homeworld, but it made her feel calm and a little bit happy all the same. Old TV shows did have some good ideas after all, she supposed.

Once she pulled away—it had just been the briefest touch of lips to skin—the two of them stared at each other.

“Okay,” Lapis said awkwardly. “There we go.” She plucked the visor off the floor since Peridot had dropped it at some point in the process, dusted it off, and placed it back on the other gem’s face. “I’m going to sleep,” she added, hurrying over to her bed and throwing a blanket over herself before Peridot could come back to her senses and start asking a hundred questions. She couldn’t answer questions right now, it had just been an impulse and then it had turned into an unnecessarily difficult challenge, and now she kind of wished she’d aimed for a better spot, like Peridot’s cheek or something. That would have worked just fine.

The better question was why she’d wanted to kiss Peridot at all, but…well…she didn’t have the energy to dissect that at the moment. She’d deal with it in the morning.

“Lazuli,” Peridot said in a dazed voice behind her.

“What?” she answered reluctantly.

“I’m really, _really_ glad I got you interested in _Camp Pining Hearts._ ”

“ _Good night_ , Peridot _._ ”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again~! I'm posting two things in one day, this is new XD
> 
> Anyway, here's the next chapter! It contains some spoilers from Alone At Sea (and some references to Peridot's Twitter account) so avoid reading it if you haven't seen the newer episodes yet.
> 
> Also I updated the chapter count because I'm bad at guessing how long stuff will end up. Thank you all for reading!

Lapis slept well, no good dreams but no bad ones either, for the first time in quite a while.

_Note to self: Do something embarrassing before bed, it helps._

It was more like _Peridot_ helped, but she wasn’t quite ready to think about that. Relying on Peridot seemed like _using_ Peridot, and Lapis was determined not to let that happen. Even just kissing her seemed like a bad idea now that she was rested. They had something good here, whatever it was, and she didn’t want to mess it up.

The gem in question was absorbed in something on her tablet when Lapis got up, looking particularly pleased with herself for being able to levitate it steadily at her fingertips like her old screen.

Lapis walked over and hooked her finger onto the tablet, tipping it back so she could see the rest of Peridot’s face. “Morning.”

“Lazuli!” she yelped in surprise, tablet dropping onto her lap. “You woke up!”

She raised her eyebrow. “Would you rather I didn’t?”

“No! No, that’s good.” Peridot’s face was a brilliant shade of blue-green. “Um. What would you like for breakfast?”

“Peridot, neither of us eat breakfast.”

“Oh. Right.” She laughed nervously.

“What’s the matter? You’re acting weirder than usual.”

“I am not!” She clicked her tablet off and pushed it aside. “Anyway, I think we should celebrate this occasion with _something_ , don’t you?”

“What occasion?”

“You kissed me!” she responded, flustered.

“I didn’t know that was an occasion.”

“Ugh, Lazuli, you clearly have no sense of romance.”

“And you do?” Lapis sat down on the edge of Peridot’s bed, eyes focused on her skirt instead of the other gem. “Look, it’s not an occasion, it was just…something that happened.”

“Oh,” Peridot said, sounding disappointed. “So we don’t do anything?”

“Did you _want_ to do something?”

“Well…” She fidgeted with the corner of her tablet. “I was going to at least kiss you back. Everyone says that part’s important.”

Lapis breath caught, but she shook her head. “You don’t have to. It’s fine.”

“But—”

“I don’t want this to be complicated,” she interrupted.

“Okay,” Peridot replied uncertainly. “Then…what exactly do we do now?”

“Nothing,” Lapis said. “We just keep being roommates.”

“But you kissed me.”

“Then we’re roommates that kiss!” She felt her cheeks heat up. “Look, I didn’t think it through or anything, I just…I just wanted to try it.”

Peridot scrutinized her, frowning. “What if I want to try it?”

“What?”

“What if I want to try it?” she repeated.

“ _What?_ ”

Peridot groaned in exasperation and crawled over to Lapis’ side. “Can I kiss you?”

Lapis’ eyes flitted sideways. “I guess,” she said slowly.

“Good!” she declared. She leaned over and pressed her lips to the other gem’s cheek. “There,” she muttered, pulling away quickly with flushed cheeks.

Lapis tried to quell her own blush and failed miserably.

“Now that we have that out of the way,” Peridot continued hurriedly, using her powers to grab her tablet and shield a portion of her face with it, “we were going to go flying, correct? I just need a few minutes to finish what I was doing.”

“Okay,” she replied, relief washing over her with the realization that she hadn’t managed to ruin anything between them. She retreated to her own bed and lay flat on her back, hiding a smile. _Roommates that kiss._ Okay.

Ten minutes later, they were outside and any vaguely romantic moment they might have shared was long gone as Lapis watched the absurdity that was Peridot trying to figure out how to fly on the lid of a trash can.

“Do you want some help?” Lapis asked, leaning lazily against the side of the barn as Peridot tumbled off once more, face smacking into the ground.

“No!” Peridot insisted, getting back to her feet. “I almost had it that time!”

“If you say so.” She was starting to have a new respect for Peridot’s apparent durability; she’d never seen anyone hit their gem that many times and not even complain.

“Ha! Look! Look, Laz!” She stood precariously on the lid, a couple feet off the ground and slowly drifting towards Lapis. “I told you I could do it,” she said proudly. “It’s not that diffi—whoa!”

Lapis was about to ask when she’d been given this new nickname, but there was a more pressing matter to attend to. She took a couple steps forward and caught Peridot before she could hit the ground again, setting her down carefully. “You’re going to crack yourself at this rate,” she said, flicking Peridot’s visor lightly.

“I will _not_ , I just need to practice!”

“Yeah, for more than a day.” She grabbed the trash can lid and tossed it aside before Peridot could try again and knelt down instead. “Get on, we’ll go flying the normal way and you can work on trash can flying some other time.”

“Fine,” Peridot relented, getting on her back. “But I _will_ figure out how to do it.”

“I know.”

* * *

The following days were _good_ , in a consistent way that Lapis wasn’t used to.

They weren’t really any different exactly, it was just that they steadily spent more and more time together. Helping Peridot get the hang of her new powers, exploring Earth together, and just talking as they watched the sun come up on the roof.

And sometimes Lapis would kiss Peridot good night or Peridot would rest her head on Lapis’ shoulder as they watched TV or on rare occasions they’d both aim for some gesture of affection and end up bumping noses painfully and just start laughing instead. Small, undemanding things that made Lapis feel warm and cared for.

It wasn’t perfect, but it made it much easier to try and shove aside the less tasteful memories that kept attempting to invade Lapis’ waking hours. It felt comfortable, _they_ felt comfortable, in a way Lapis hadn’t anticipated.

_You don’t deserve this._

She knew she didn’t. She knew none of it would last.

Good days were an anomaly, but she clung to them tightly and tried not to think about everything that could go wrong.

_You don’t deserve this._

Maybe not. But she liked having Peridot beside her, she liked their little barn, and she liked learning more about the planet that once kept her trapped.

She could be selfish and stay for a little longer, couldn’t she?

* * *

Her good days ended abruptly with Jasper’s reappearance.

It was a shock to her system, a jolt out of the peaceful atmosphere she’d begun to build for herself.

It was cold, and dark, and the feelings that surfaced— _Malachite_ —were overwhelming, perhaps even more than they used to be because she’d tried so hard to bury them.

Steven didn’t understand the _I miss her_ or all the other words that had spilled out of her. He tried, and she loved him for trying and for defending her, but it was something deeper than his reassurances could fix.

Lapis, for once, walked back to the barn. She wanted to know there was earth beneath her feet, something solid, not water that would drag her back down into its depths.

It was still dark and rainy above her, and she hurried to get out from under it. She needed to be somewhere that felt safe, if that was even possible.

Lapis slipped into the barn quickly, her arms winding tightly around herself as soon as she got the door shut. Peridot was there, she saw, happily sprawled out on her bed, fingers tapping on the screen in front of her. Lapis tried to muster a smile as the other gem noticed her, but she couldn’t.

“Lazuli, you’re back! Look at what I—” Peridot stopped short, catching sight of her face. “Lazuli?” she asked worriedly, setting aside her tablet.

Lapis couldn’t make herself meet Peridot’s eyes. “I-I need to…” Go. Stay. She wasn’t sure which.

“What _happened?_ I thought you just went for a ‘boat ride’ with Steven!”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said in a hollow voice.

“Oh. Okay. That’s okay! Um.” Peridot scrambled to find something, anything to say. “Should we just watch _Camp Pining Hearts_ like usual?”

Lapis shook her head.

“You’re right, that’s a terrible idea,” Peridot agreed, hands caught anxiously in her hair. “I really need to get better at this sort of thing…”

“It’s fine,” Lapis murmured. “It’s…fine. You don’t have to do anything.”

“But—”

“I don’t need you to make me feel better,” she snapped.

Peridot flinched. “Okay,” she said in a small voice. “Would leaving you alone make you feel better?”

Lapis’ shoulders slumped wearily. “No,” she mumbled. “I…I don’t know how to feel better.”

“Do you…want to sit down?” Peridot offered tentatively, holding out a hand.

Lapis nodded, hesitantly stretching out her hand and letting Peridot lead her to her own bed. Her whole form felt shaky and fragile. She pulled her legs up to her chest and rested her forehead against her knees. She didn’t want to close her eyes.

Peridot, fingers still tangled awkwardly in Lapis’ own, fidgeted beside her. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

Hot tears rose in the corners of her eyes, but she blinked them back. “I’m trying,” she whispered.

“Good,” Peridot declared, voice faltering. “I…admit I don’t really know how to help you when I don’t know what’s happening, but trying is the important part I think. I’ll, uh, just sit here and attempt to exude comfort.”

Lapis let out a choked laugh. “You’re so weird.”

“Thank you,” she replied haughtily.

She sat there in silence for some time, feeling rather far away but grateful for Peridot’s small hand on hers.

“I saw Jasper today,” she said finally, voice oddly calm.

“Huh?”

“Jasper. She…She was looking for me.”

“Why was she _looking_ for you?” Peridot asked incredulously.

“She wanted to be Malachite again.”

“Is she _cracked?_ ”

“No!” Lapis said sharply. “No, she’s not, she just… We just…” She shook her head. “Sometimes there’s a part of me that wants it too, and I hate that,” she admitted in a low voice. “I hate that it happened…I hate that I could _do_ that…but we were together for so long.” She shuddered. “I told her no.”

“ _Good_ ,” Peridot said fiercely, face twisted up in some mix of confusion and concern. “What…happened to her?”

“She tried to hurt Steven and I punched her off the ship.”

“That’s one way to solve a problem.”

Lapis laughed a little. “Maybe not the best way, but…yeah.” She swiped at her eyes, though no tears had escaped. “It was still a pretty terrible day.”

“It sounds like it.” Peridot paused. “Laz?” she asked carefully.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want a roommate hug?”

She let out a slow breath, then lifted her head, giving the other gem a small smile. “I think I’d like that.”

Peridot let go of her hand and resituated, awkwardly lunging forward and causing Lapis to fall back against the bed. She squirmed around a little and then held on tightly, arms pinned under Lapis and fingers splayed reassuringly across her back. “Good?” she asked.

Lapis nodded, sniffling a little as she buried her face in Peridot’s shoulder. Part of her—the same part that ached for Malachite sometimes—thought _look how much she trusts you_ but she forced the intrusion back and held onto Peridot. She wasn’t going to be that person again. No manipulation, no hatred, none of that was getting anywhere near Peridot if she could help it.

“Is there anything else you need?” Peridot asked.

“Just stay here for a minute,” she mumbled.

“Okay.”

Lapis held onto her carefully, tiny tremors running through her form as she tried to put Malachite out of her mind. “Peridot,” she said quietly, “promise me, if anything happens—if—if I start hurting you or scaring you or whatever—”

“Lazuli, you’re not going to do that.”

“ _If I do_ , promise me you’ll run away. No matter what.”

“You’re not going to do that,” Peridot repeated stubbornly.

“I might,” she whispered.

“You clearly regret Malachite far too much to initiate a repeat experience. You said no. And you obviously don’t trust yourself when it comes to this, so…so I’m going to trust you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you!”

“You haven’t shown any inclination towards doing so, even when you hated me. You’re really not as terrible as you’re trying to convince me you are.”

Lapis laughed shakily.

“But I guess if it makes you feel better, I promise I’ll run away. And I’m _really good_ at running away, so you don’t have anything to worry about!”

“You’re _terrible_ at running away,” she countered unsteadily.

“Do you know how long I evaded the Crystal Gems?!”

“Not _that_ long, because they’d already caught and converted you by the time I got here.”

“Shut up, Lazuli, those were extenuating circumstances.” She hesitated, sobering. “I promise I’ll try really hard not to…to let us be like Malachite. Figuratively. Not in the fusion kind of way, in the relationship kind of way.”

Lapis snorted quietly. “Yeah, I got that.”

“I just wanted to clarify. I’m not going to try to make you do anything you don’t want.”

“Thanks,” she said softly.

Peridot’s fingers pressed against her skin soothingly. “You’re Lazuli, not Malachite. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good.”

“I’m…I’m glad you’re here,” Lapis murmured. “I’m glad _I’m_ here.”

“Me too,” Peridot said, squeezing her a little. “Here here.”

She laughed, a weight lifting from her. “Here here,” she repeated, holding Peridot close.

She was _here._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Sorry for the wait on this one, but it's the longest chapter yet so hopefully that makes up for it!

Somehow, the following hours weren’t terrible. Lapis let herself hold onto Peridot until the sort of panicky, broken feeling had left her chest and settled into something more tolerable.

“Want to hear some jokes?” Peridot offered as Lapis sat up and pushed her hair out of her face. “I’ve been practicing.”

“Maybe later.”

“Alright. I could…sing a song?”

“You can sing?”

“Of course I can!”

“Huh.” She couldn’t quite keep the disbelief out of her voice.

“So did you want to hear it or not?”

Lapis blinked, taking in Peridot’s overeager expression. “Later,” she repeated, eyes softening. “You don’t have to do anything.” She leaned forward and gave Peridot a quick kiss. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Peridot mumbled, one hand pressed to her lips and a blush rising on her cheeks. “What do you want to do then?”

“I think…I think I’d just like to have a quiet day. Watch some _Camp Pining Hearts_ or something. That okay?”

She nodded quickly. “I’ll be extra quiet!” she said enthusiastically.

Lapis snorted. “That’s not what I meant. Just…let’s do ordinary stuff.”

“Oh! Okay!” Peridot jumped up. “Wait here, I have an idea!”

Ten minutes later, there was a massive pile of pillows on Lapis’ bed, the TV had been dragged over, and Peridot thrust a shirt into Lapis’ hands.

“Time to relax!” she declared, yanking another shirt over her own head. It was too big for her, coming almost to her knees, but it had the _Camp Pining Hearts_ logo on the front, which was probably why she had it.

Lapis glanced down at the shirt she was holding, which was identical. “Where did you _get_ these?” They had a fair amount of junk lying around the barn, but she was pretty sure there wasn’t a secret stash of _Camp Pining Hearts_ memorabilia anywhere.

“Steven helped me order them!” Peridot jumped onto the bed and started rearranging the pillows into a sort of nest. “I _wanted_ ones with Percy and Pierre—you know, one for each of us—but the series never got the merchandising it truly deserved, so I settled for these! What do you think?” Her eyes were wide with anticipation as she waited for Lapis’ response.

Her first thought was _it looks cute on you_ , but she shelved that in favor of a simple “I like it. Thanks.”

It must have come out a little lackluster, because Peridot’s face fell and she went back to rearranging the pillows with vigor. “You don’t have to wear it.”

“No,” Lapis said quickly, trying and failing to find the energy to match the smaller gem’s initial enthusiasm. “Honestly, I like it. That was really sweet of you.” She slipped it on over her head and smiled faintly as she reached over to muss Peridot’s hair. “I’m just tired.”

“Oh,” Peridot said, looking relieved. “Do you want to sleep? I’ve been informed it’s acceptable to wear shirts as ‘pajamas’ if you find them comfortable.”

“Not the sleeping kind of tired,” Lapis clarified, drawing her legs into her chest. “Just… _empty_ tired, if that makes sense.”

“I suppose,” Peridot said with a small frown that suggested it didn’t. “Well, anyway, we’ve got our shirts and our pillows and our DVDs. Is there anything else you require?”

“Nah, I think that covers it,” she laughed softly. She watched Peridot crawl into the spot beside her, jam another pillow behind her back, and set the DVD cases across both their laps.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to continue where we left off or rewatch some of your favorites,” Peridot said, blinking up at her expectantly. “You can choose.”

“Um…” Familiarity sounded reassuring, even if they had just left off at a cliffhanger and she really _did_ want to know what happened next. “Can we watch season two again?” she requested, pointing at the corresponding DVD set.

“Okay!” she agreed happily, popping out the first disc and sending it flying over to the TV with her powers so she wouldn’t have to get up. After a bit of awkward maneuvering to get it to sit properly in the DVD player, she settled back and offered her hand to Lapis with a faint blush. “We can skip the beach episode.”

“…Just for today.” Lapis gratefully accepted the offered hand and let her shoulder press against Peridot’s comfortably. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Lapis appreciated the simplicity of _Camp Pining Hearts_ , where any drama was resolved within one episode and nothing truly awful ever happened. She wasn’t entirely focused on the show, slipping in and out of the unnerving headspace where Malachite still echoed. But Peridot kept glancing up at her periodically and always seemed to notice when she was drifting, fingers tightening between hers and soft innocuous comments about the show bringing her back to the present.

Eventually, Lapis let go of her hand and lay down, head resting carefully on Peridot’s lap. The other gem quickly moved to accommodate her, one arm draped over Lapis so their hands could meet again and the other hand resting in her hair.

“Is this alright?” Peridot asked, just to be sure.

“Mm-hm.” Lapis let out a slow breath. “Thank you.”

“Do you want me to turn the TV off?”

“No, this is fine.”

“I could get more pillows.”

“There _aren’t_ any more pillows. Stay here.”

“Okay. Would you like me to—”

“Peridot,” she interrupted with a small smile. “This is enough. Stop talking, or you’ll miss the part with the friendship bracelets.”

“Oh. Yes. Alright.” She paused. “Tell me if there’s anything you need, okay, Laz?”

“I will.”

Peridot nodded once, satisfied, and they both went back to watching in silence.

Lapis tangled one hand in the edge of Peridot’s oversized shirt and let her eyes slip shut experimentally, pleasantly surprised to find there was no rush of memories with the darkness. There was just the hum of the TV dialogue, the warm softness surrounding her, and small fingers tapping out a steady rhythm on her side.

She didn’t feel _good_ , but she felt safe.

* * *

Things slowly moved back towards Lapis’ new baseline for “normal” after a couple days. Peridot was overly attentive but never too pushy, letting her heal at her own pace, and Lapis stayed close now that she knew Jasper was somewhere outside their little barn. When she finally went flying again—because she _did_ need that, however much she was afraid to go—she took Peridot with her. It was uneventful and calm, and after that she felt okay going out on her own again.

She could see the smaller gem was worn out from looking after her and Lapis made sure to give her some space in the following days. Peridot wasn’t quite used to caring so much—or at least wasn’t used to expressing that care and trying to make someone feel better. It was something she worked at, and put a lot of effort into, because it didn’t quite come naturally to her yet but she thought it was important.

So when Peridot uncharacteristically fell asleep in the middle of an episode one evening, Lapis just turned the TV off and let her rest, tucking a blanket around her before slipping away to the roof to look at the stars.

Restless and unable to really appreciate the clear sky, Lapis flew down to the ground instead, landing just in front of the lake. She’d borrowed the water from it on occasion during her stay, but had been avoiding going near the actual thing.

But…she was tired of being scared. She was tired of associating water with pain. Steven had been right; it _was_ part of who she was.

Lapis sat down at the water’s edge, her legs tucked beneath her. She extended one hand towards the surface, pulling a thin stream of liquid towards her and letting it weave around her fingers before trailing up her arm.

The first touch of cool water on her wrist made her freeze, the heavy weight of chains seeming to settle around her again, and she immediately dropped her control of the water, letting it splash down onto the ground.

_No_ , she told herself, sucking air into her lungs and blowing it out to remind herself that she wasn’t underwater. _Stop it, there’s nothing wrong._

Lapis took a moment to regain some semblance of confidence before trying again. This time, she tried to think of it as a game, letting little rivulets of water dance up and down her arms playfully, tickling her skin and soothing it all at once. _Okay._

She relaxed, letting the water slip back into the lake. That hadn’t been bad at all. She moved a little closer. Deep breath in, deep breath out. The tips of her fingers grazed the surface of the water, then dipped underneath. Unease settled in her chest, but she kept going past the first, second, third knuckles on her hand. Nothing moved except the tiny ripples spreading outward from where she disturbed the surface. There was no one here, no enemy, no prison.

Lapis dipped her hand in all the way to her wrist, then to the middle of her forearm before she had to pause and regain her bearings.

_I’m Lapis Lazuli. I’m at the barn. Jasper isn’t here. Malachite isn’t here. It’s just water._

She wanted this part of herself back.

Tired of thinking about it, she plunged the rest of her arm in as far as it would go, all the way up to her shoulder. Her face now right above the water, she caught sight of her distorted reflection and snorted. She must look ridiculous, sprawled out on the dirt with one arm stuck into a pool of water. It was a good thing Peridot wasn’t awake to see this; she’d probably think Lapis was losing her mind.

Lapis moved her arm back and forth in the water, laughing with relief as she finally, finally didn’t have to fight back her memories at the feel. She didn’t want to push it too far, but it felt so _good_ after everything she’d been through.

After a few minutes, she withdrew her arm and sat up again, carefully lowering her legs into the water instead. Little waves moved against her skin, stopping just below her knees, catching the bottom of her skirt and making it heavy.

She stayed there until morning, kicking her legs quietly, tilting her head back to look at the stars, playing with water in small ways she hadn’t been able to for millennia. Relearning it as more than a tool or a weapon.

“I’m Lapis Lazuli,” she whispered. “And I’m here.”

* * *

The sun was only just rising when Peridot stumbled out of the barn, fingers reaching past her visor to scrub at her eyes. “Lazuli?” she mumbled. “What’s going on?”

Lapis twisted sideways to look at her. “Nothing. You just fell asleep during the prank war. Good morning.”

“Morning,” Peridot yawned. She walked over and plopped down next to Lapis. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Lapis replied, smiling as Peridot slumped against her drowsily. It always seemed to take a while for her to wake up.

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure,” she teased, scooping up a little bit of water and splashing it onto Peridot.

The smaller gem yelped and squirmed away, accidentally elbowing Lapis in her retreat. “Laz!” she whined, scrubbing her face dry. “What was that for?”

“No reason,” Lapis said, rubbing her side with a grimace before pulling Peridot closer again and kissing her cheek. “You awake now?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Peridot huffed irritably, though a faint blush had risen to her cheeks. “What are you doing out here?” She looked down, finally noticing that Lapis’ legs were in the water and looking mildly surprised at this development.

“Just wanted to try it,” she replied, a little embarrassed as she looked down at her skirt.

Peridot nodded cautiously. “And?”

“And I think I’m doing okay,” Lapis said, flashing her a small smile. “I’m not going to go _in_ anytime soon, but…this much is good.”

“That’s great!” Peridot said enthusiastically. “It’s _progress!_ ”

“Yeah, I guess so,” she laughed, feeling self-conscious. “So, uh, I think I might try and do this more often if…if you want to join me sometimes.”

“Sure,” she replied happily. “Wait here, I need to get a few things!”

Lapis watched her run off, only to return a minute later with her tablet—which she set down a safe distance away—and the circular floating thing she’d been on the first time she showed Lapis the lake. “What is that?” she asked, pointing to it.

“Steven calls it an ‘inner tube,’” Peridot answered with a shrug. “It’s just a simple flotation device. Did you want to try it?”

“Not right now.”

Peridot nodded, setting the inner tube in the water and then carefully lowering herself in, clinging to it and making sure not to let go even as she slipped underwater to poke her head up through the middle of it. She hooked her arms around the tube firmly, shaking some the water out of her hair and giving Lapis a thumbs up.

She laughed and returned the thumbs up, watching as Peridot kicked a little to move herself closer to Lapis.

“So what do you want to do today?” Peridot asked. She squinted through the droplets on her visor irritably, then pulled it off and tossed it over onto the ground.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “Was there anything you wanted to do?”

“Actually,” she said immediately, “I had an idea.”

“What’s that?” Lapis asked warily. Peridot’s ideas usually ended up being either long and complicated, silly and cute, or some combination of the two.

“Well, there are these things called ‘paperclips’!” Peridot began enthusiastically, propping her chin up on the inner tube. “They’re small pieces of metal, about this big!” She held up her fingers to show Lapis. “And I thought if I attach them to things around the barn, then I could use my powers on _anything!_ Think how convenient it would be!”

“You’d never have to move again,” Lapis said sarcastically.

Peridot stuck out her tongue. “Well, _I_ think it would be useful!”

“Hmm.” She kicked her feet, splashing Peridot with a little bit of water. “I guess I could help with that.”

The other gem made to retaliate, then stopped. “Can I splash you back?” she checked.

“It wouldn’t be a fair fight if you couldn’t,” Lapis said lightly.

Peridot grinned and flung a spray of water in Lapis’ direction. “Ha!”

She could have easily stopped it before it even touched her, but she let the water fall across her, laughing as she directed a few more splashes towards Peridot.

The two of them carried on their little match until Peridot accidentally slipped underwater and Lapis scooped her out and set her down on solid ground.

“Truce?” Lapis offered, drying Peridot off.

“Truce,” she agreed reluctantly, fluffing her hair back out to its usual shape. “Now what?”

“Now,” she decided with a smile, “it’s Peridot time.”

* * *

Peridot’s choice of plans mostly consisted of trying on a lot of clothes, playing pop music at an unnecessarily loud volume, gluing hundreds of paperclips onto things, and asking Lapis to play assistant as she worked on her latest project. It was all a bit frenetic, but Lapis liked giving attention instead of receiving it for once and she was happy to see Peridot in her element.

In the evening, they settled in with more _Camp Pining Hearts_ and Lapis let Peridot be the one to pick episodes—with the exception of any that were beyond the point Lapis had seen—and was happy to listen to her commentary as the smaller gem curled up beside her under a blanket.

“Wow, thanks,” Peridot said as the first episode finished up and the credits began to roll. “For today,” she added when Lapis looked at her in surprise. “It’s been cool.”

“Oh, yeah, no problem,” Lapis murmured self-consciously. “You seemed like you needed a break.”

Peridot made that you-have-expressed-affection-for-me-and-made-me-eternally-happy face, stars in her eyes as she threw her arms around Lapis. “Thanks,” she repeated, squeezing tight.

“Thanks for being here,” Lapis replied. “I know I haven’t been much fun lately.”

“That’s okay!”

She laughed a little. “Okay. More _Camp Pining Hearts?_ ”

“Yes please!”

* * *

With the amount of TV they had been watching, they sped through several seasons of the show in record time and ended up on the infamous season five Peridot was always complaining about.

“I don’t see what’s so bad about this,” Lapis commented, half to rile Peridot up and half because she genuinely wasn’t sure why this season was any worse than the previous ones.

Peridot gaped at her. “ _Everything!_ Everything about this is bad!”

“Not really. I like the new camper, she’s like a Paulette that can actually take care of herself.”

“Are you _sure_ you’re feeling okay, Laz?” she asked, horrified. “I mean, we’re only two episodes in so you haven’t seen the whole shipwreck of a storyline yet but—but it’s a whole season on a beach! A _beach_ , Lazuli! It’s ridiculous!”

Lapis shrugged. “It’s a nice beach.”

Peridot groaned. “That doesn’t make it any better! _Camp Pining Hearts_ takes place at a _camp!_ That’s why it’s called that in the first place! Not to mention they’ve completely contradicted half of season four and abandoned the subplot with—”

Lapis leaned over and kissed her, interrupting the rant and making Peridot’s cheeks flare with color beneath her visor.

“And—and—you made me lose my train of thought, Lazuli!” she sputtered.

“Mission success.”

Peridot scowled and poked her in the side. “You’re impossible. You don’t even _like_ the beach.”

“I like fictional beaches. I’m working my way back up to real ones.”

“Oh, _fine._ ” She begrudgingly curled up next to Lapis. “But I’m only watching this with you _once_ , and then I’m going to go back to pretending it doesn’t exist.”

“Right,” Lapis said skeptically, one eyebrow raised. “Pretending it doesn’t exist and complaining about it constantly.”

“Exactly!”

* * *

Over time, once Lapis had managed to process everything that had happened and make some degree of peace with it, the two of them got to work practicing. After all, they both wanted to be able to defend the peace they’d found in recent weeks and—of course—Steven.

Peridot was still learning her metal powers, getting better by the day, but she had quite a way to go. She still had trouble moving anything big, and if she got too stressed she tended to lose any semblance of control over the metal completely. Lapis tried to help her with it little by little, or just remind her to take breaks and cool down, so she wouldn’t end up so flustered she felt like she didn’t make any progress.

Meanwhile, Lapis was learning too, trying to refine her hydrokinesis so that she could, in Peridot’s words, scale things down from a huge smashy water hand.

“Not that the smashy water hand isn’t effective,” Peridot had said, “but think of all the other potential tactics available to you!”

Lapis nodded. She didn’t need to practice her control of water—that came as easily as breathing, even after thousands of years in a mirror. What she needed to learn was how to _use_ that control. And that was where Peridot helped. She had the analytical kind of mind Lapis didn’t, and once Lapis asked for her assistance she was forever coming up with clever ways to utilize Lapis’ abilities.

It tired them out most days, but it was a good kind of tired that led to quiet evenings and lakeside chatter and cuddling and watching the sun come up.

It made Lapis feel almost, maybe, possibly, at home.

* * *

“What are you doing now?” Lapis asked one day as Peridot held her tablet high above where they were lying on the roof.

“I’m trying to take a picture!”

“Of the sky?”

“Of _us._ ”

Lapis blinked up at the tablet, which was facing away from them. “Is it working?”

“I don’t know yet!” Peridot said defensively. She pulled it back down and swiped through the photos she’d taken quickly. “…Not really.”

Lapis snorted when she saw the blurry picture on the screen, all dark except for the tiniest point of Peridot’s hair on the bottom. “Aren’t you supposed to do the, uh, ‘selfie’ thing? Like Steven does?”

“Oh, right! I knew that.” She jabbed her finger at various icons on the screen until the image flipped around in their direction. “Okay,” she declared, “let’s do this!” She floated it up above them again, tilting the screen until they were both in the frame. “Ready?”

“Sure.”

“You have to smile, Laz.”

Lapis smiled up at the camera dutifully, and Peridot reached up to take a picture with one finger, concentrating hard to keep the tablet steady.

She brought it back down to see how it had come out.

“ _You_ forgot to smile,” Lapis commented.

“Gah! Fine, we’ll try again.”

In the end, it took seventeen tries to get a good picture. They immediately sent it off to Steven, who sent back a lot of happy emoji and “I’m really glad you guys are having fun together!!!!”

“I’ll print out a copy,” Peridot declared, looking it over with a pleased smile. “Apparently it’s traditional to hang photographs of your family in the house.”

Lapis murmured an agreement. She didn’t quite understand the concept of _family_ , but Steven had made it clear that she and Peridot and the other Crystal Gems were all part of his. So…it was people you were close to, and that you cared about. People you saw often? Specifics aside, she appreciated being included in it—both Steven’s and Peridot’s.

“Do you want to go inside now?” Peridot asked after fiddling around with the screen for a few more minutes.

“Sure.” Lapis made sure Peridot had a good grip on her tablet before picking her up and flying down to the ground.

“Are you sleeping tonight?” she asked as they went inside.

Lapis shook her head. She didn’t need it much nowadays. “I thought we were watching the _Camp Pining Hearts_ holiday special to break up the monotony of season five?”

“Ha! So you _do_ agree that it’s terrible!”

“No, I was just quoting you.”

Peridot stuck out her tongue. “Well, I stand by my initial statement. Let’s watch it!”

The holiday special, which was technically from season four, was one of the episodes they both agreed were really great. They’d already watched it together about five times, and by the third they were quoting dialogue alongside the characters.

They settled in together again with a pile of blankets, Peridot glued to her side the whole episode.

Once it was over, Lapis stole Peridot’s tablet to take some more pictures, managing to get a couple of Peridot looking cozy next to her before the other gem’s eyes opened and she realized what Lapis was doing.

The two of them got caught up in taking pictures, playfighting for control of the camera and laughing as they made funny faces at each other.

Once they’d worn themselves out, Peridot stuck a cord into the tablet and wasted no time in using up all of the printer ink she had available to make copies of their pictures, even the horrendously blurry ones.

They didn’t really know what to do with them once they had them, so they ended up lying on the floor with a messy array of paper around them.

“I like these,” Peridot declared happily.

“Yeah,” Lapis agreed with a small smile. It was a little odd to see herself frozen in time in so many of the images, but it wasn’t _bad_ , just a reminder of the fun they’d had earlier. It was a nice way to remember things, she thought. And a safe way to share them.

She reached over Peridot to pick up one of the pictures she liked best, one of the first ones with both of them in it. Peridot, lunging across to grab a different one, bumped into her none-too-gently and somehow managed to get their arms and legs all twisted up, leaving the two of them a giggly mess on the floor as they tried to untangle themselves.

Lapis rolled them sideways so she was on top of Peridot, laughing as she pouted unconvincingly up at her, hair mussed at the corners. Lapis poked her in the cheek and then yelped as small arms dragged her down into some semblance of a hug.

“I win,” Peridot declared, suddenly flipping Lapis back onto her back—one hand cupped over her gem despite the fact that it would take a lot more than a wooden floor to hurt her.

“I don’t think so,” she replied, hands darting up to Peridot’s sides and tickling her.

“Lazuli! Lazuli, that’s not—not fair!” she laughed, pushing at her arms.

Lapis grinned and let her hands fall back to her sides, a pleasant warmth in her chest as Peridot dropped down, settling comfortably on top of her and putting them nose-to-nose.

“That was fun,” Peridot said breathlessly.

“Yeah, it was.”

And Lapis wasn’t really sure what happened then, except she could see every detail of Peridot’s face and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the sparkling gaze directed down at her.

“I love you,” Peridot said suddenly.

“I love you too,” Lapis said, barely noticing that the words had left her thoughts and slipped past her lips. It wasn’t at all as scary as she’d expected it to be.

It was just Peridot. It was just the two of them, existing together. It was just where they ended up after all their mistakes, mishaps, apologies, and efforts to understand.

Together.

The whole barn seemed _lighter_ , and Peridot seemed _closer_ , and everything else started to fade out in a pleasant sort of fuzziness.

Lapis laughed in delight. It felt _good._ Almost like—

Almost…

Realization struck her suddenly and she shoved Peridot away, scrambling backwards as the happiness was quickly overtaken by a sick, strangling fear.

_Fusion._

Peridot saw the horror on Lapis’ face and moved closer, still a little dazed from what had just started to happen. “Laz—”

No. No, no, _no_ , this couldn’t happen. She wasn’t trying to do it. They just—

“—to me.”

Peridot’s voice cut in and out of Lapis’ clouded mind at odd intervals, and she couldn’t process the words.

“It’s okay. Laz. It’s—”

It actually took effort to summon her wings, to stand up on shaking legs.

“—listen—”

“I’m sorry,” Lapis whispered, interrupting. “I’m so sorry.” She stumbled backwards, caught herself with her wings before she could fall. “I…I’ll go.”

And she did, before Peridot could say another word.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, and thank you for all the kind comments and kudos! I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Just as a quick note, the final chapter of this fic might be delayed a bit since I'll be going out of town later this month, but I'll post it as soon as possible.

Lapis didn’t really know where she was going.

She had been alternating between flying and walking for the past five hours and neither made her feel any better. Her head still felt cluttered and crowded with guilt and unwanted thoughts.

_I shouldn’t have left._

_I should have._

_It was an accident._

_She’ll hate me._

_I should go back._

_I don’t want to._

Lapis dropped to the ground, stumbling as she landed and falling to her hands and knees. She stared down at the streaks of dirt on her skin, curling her fingers into the grass. Where was she supposed to go from here? The barn had been…

She had been…

She had been _happy._ For once in her life, she had been really, honestly happy with where she was and maybe even _who_ she was and…

She’d ruined it.

Lapis shivered, missing Peridot’s voice and touch and _presence._ The other gem had gotten so good at getting Lapis out of her own head, of grounding her.

_I ruined it. I ruined it, I ruined it, I ruined it._

She hadn’t been trying to fuse, and she _knew_ that, but there were so many nagging little thoughts telling her otherwise that it didn’t matter. It just mattered that it happened, that she let it happen, that she’d nearly…

Lapis dropped fully to the ground, head cushioned by her arms and eyes squeezed shut against them.

_You’re such an idiot, Lapis Lazuli._

She felt like she wanted to cry, but she couldn’t. She hadn’t cried since…since before the mirror. It seemed almost silly that _this_ was what really brought the feeling back.

She just _wanted._ She wanted peace that lasted, she wanted people she trusted, she wanted to protect them and this place that she was still learning about. She wanted to learn, she wanted to keep being pleasantly surprised by this planet, and she wanted Peridot beside her to experience it too. She wanted Peridot’s blunt reassurances and kind words. She wanted their silly arguments and late night conversations. She wanted Peridot to look at her the way she had today and use words like _love_ that made Lapis feel free.

Lapis lay there for a few more minutes, time going slow and fast and reminding her far too much of the intangible nothingness of the mirror.

And then she stood up. She cleaned herself off with a bit of water. She started walking.

She didn’t want to run away from this.

Even if Peridot did end up hating her… Even then, she’d rather know she’d _tried_ to fix things instead of just leaving them behind.

She counted her steps—one, two, three, four, five—until she stopped feeling the urge to turn around and run, and then she spread her wings and took off back towards the barn.

* * *

It was still dark when Lapis reached the barn, and she slipped inside to find the familiar glow of the television and her roommate huddled on one end of the sofa looking particularly small.

“Peridot?” Lapis called shakily, fear coming back full force now that she was actually there, looking for something to say.

Peridot jumped and snapped the TV off immediately, which had the unintended effect of leaving the barn pitch black. She quickly lit up her gem, turning around with one hand gripping the couch tightly. “Laz?”

The other gem winced, bringing up a hand to shield her eyes from the light. “Hi.” She reached over to her left to turn on a lamp, and Peridot let the glow from her gem fade. Lapis stood there awkwardly with her face turned away from the light.

“Are you okay?” Peridot asked before she could even start to formulate the apology she’d been trying to come up with on the way there.

She glanced up. “No,” she said uncertainly, “but thanks for asking.”

“…Lazuli? About earlier—”

Lapis shook her head quickly. “I’m sorry.”

“For _what?_ ”

“For—For nearly—” Tears were rising hot in her eyes all of a sudden and she hated that it had to be _now_ of all times, when she just wanted to try and make things right.

“You don’t have to apologize for anything,” Peridot told her, looking completely lost as to what to do.

“Yes, I do.”

“You didn’t do anything!”

“I could have hurt you!” Lapis burst out. “I could have…” She shuddered. “We could have been something horrible, and I…” A small sob escaped her and she pressed a hand to her mouth, closing her eyes as tears leaked out.

“Lazuli. _Lazuli._ ” Peridot hurried over to her, not wasting a moment in leading her over to the couch and sitting her down. She immediately crawled up next to her and hugged her arm. “It’s okay, don’t cry! That’s not even how fusion works! Not with someone that you—that you like.”

“Yes, it is!” she insisted, her skirt bunched up tightly in her free hand. “It’s part of both gems involved, and if it’s me…” Lapis’ jaw set. “There’s something wrong with any gem who can make up half of Malachite.”

“You’re half of Malachite when you’re fused with _Jasper_ , not me! We might be something really cool, like—like—I don’t know, but whatever!”

“Well, I don’t want to find out!” She shivered, turning her face away. “I don’t. I-I can’t be trapped again. I can’t trap someone else. I can’t—” Lapis choked on the words. “I-I still hear her, all the time, she’s in my head, I can’t—”

“Lapis, stop.” Peridot let go and turned to take her by the shoulders, waiting for her to make eye contact. “Stop it. Nobody’s getting trapped anywhere.”

“I feel like I’m just sitting around waiting for the next awful thing to happen,” she whispered. “I just wanted a break. Everything was finally starting to feel okay, and I’ve ruined it again—”

“No, you didn’t, Lazuli,” she interrupted. “Alright? Just calm down and—”

“You don’t get it!” she shouted, pushing Peridot away. “You don’t. I’m—I’m cracked, okay? There’s something wrong with me, there’s something wrong, and I don’t want to hurt you!”

“There’s nothing wrong with you!” Peridot said sharply. She grabbed Lapis’ shoulders again. “Would you stop panicking and _listen to me?_ You’re not making any sense!”

Lapis stared down at Peridot’s arms, unresponsive.

“Laz, you haven’t ruined anything,” she continued firmly.

“Let go.”

“What?”

“Let go,” Lapis repeated shakily. “Please let go. I don’t like it when you do that.”

Peridot withdrew her hands immediately, sitting back on her heels. “Okay,” she said meekly.

Lapis rubbed her shoulders, then let her hands slip down to hug herself uncomfortably.

“I’m sorry.”

A broken sob clawed its way up her throat. Peridot didn’t need to be apologizing; this was her fault.

“Laz—”

“I hate this,” she whispered. “I keep messing everything up and…and maybe I deserve it, but…I’m so _tired._ ” She let out a ragged breath. “And it was finally starting to feel like home,” she breathed, almost inaudibly. “I’m sorry.”

Peridot clenched her fists tightly to keep herself from trying to hold onto Lapis again. “Don’t apologize.”

“I—”

“I _like_ being with you, Lapis! I-I wasn’t _expecting_ to fuse with you, but I didn’t have a problem with it. So you don’t have anything to apologize for!”

“How can you say that?” Lapis demanded. “You know what I’ve done!”

“And I know how much you regret it!” Peridot said sharply before faltering. “I said I’d run if you scared me, didn’t I?”

She nodded shakily.

“I’m not running. I wasn’t scared, okay? We just…got carried away. It wasn’t bad.”

Lapis searched her eyes desperately. “Really?”

“Really,” Peridot said, glancing away as she fidgeted with her visor. “The only thing I was scared about was that you might not come back.”

Lapis crumbled, a choked laugh escaping her. “And I was afraid you wouldn’t want me to come back.”

“Really, Laz, you ought to know me better by now,” she said, flashing an uneven smile. “Come here?”

She fell into Peridot’s offered embrace gratefully, letting her head drop onto the other gem’s shoulder. “Okay,” she murmured, breathing deep.

Lapis stayed there, tears quickly running their course and leaving her feeling a little bit more clear-headed despite her exhaustion. Peridot didn’t let go of her once, keeping Lapis close and shifting to accommodate her whenever she needed to move.

“Thanks for calming me down,” she said softly, fingers curling into Peridot’s uniform. “I—I guess I overreacted.”

Peridot shook her head. “It wasn’t an unreasonable response, given your history.”

“…Thanks,” she replied. “And for thinking fusion with me might not be terrible. Still, I—I’m going to try and make sure that kind of mistake doesn’t happen again.”

She nodded, though Lapis could feel her shoulders stiffen slightly.

“Peridot? Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” she replied, clearly holding something back. After a few tense seconds, she blurted out, “I don’t think it was a mistake!”

“Wh-What?”

“I…” Peridot bit her lip. “I know you don’t want to fuse with anybody, and that’s fine! But it didn’t feel like a _mistake_ to me.”

“It didn’t?” Lapis asked warily. “Why _not?_ ”

The smaller gem shrugged, confidence slipping away. “Because I was really happy that we even could?” she said in a small voice.

Lapis moved back, lifting her head to stare at her.

“I didn’t know if I was able to fuse,” Peridot explained quietly. “And I thought...I expected…” She swept a hand under her visor irritably, drawing attention to her watery eyes. “Never mind.”

“Never mind _what?_ ”

Peridot’s shoulders hunched. “I thought for a second you were happy about it too,” she whispered. “You were laughing and—and then you _weren’t_ and I thought I did something wrong and I know it’s not about me but it felt like—” She cut herself off abruptly, fists clenched.

“Peridot…” Lapis reached out tentatively, fingers landing on Peridot’s arm. “It wasn’t you. You—You know I…” Her fingers went slack. “You know I care about you, right?”

She sniffled, nodding.

“Okay. Okay, good.” She immediately leaned forward and hugged Peridot again. “I’m sorry. I _wish_ I could have just been happy about it. It did…It did feel good, before I knew what was happening. It’s not your fault I panicked.”

Peridot latched onto her tightly, hiding her face against Lapis’ shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“I just said—”

“I’m supposed to be comforting you, not making things more complicated with trivial stuff.”

“Peri…” Lapis pressed her hand to Peridot’s back. “It’s not trivial,” she said firmly. “Okay? You…You don’t have to apologize for having feelings about it. They’re important. And _you’re_ important.”

Peridot shivered, noisy sobs wracking her chest. “L-Lapis…”

“It’s okay,” she whispered, a few more tears slipping from her own eyes as she hugged her close. “We’ll just comfort each other at the same time, right?”

She nodded against Lapis’ shoulder, small fingers shaking as they pressed into her skin.

It really shouldn’t have felt comforting at all, with Lapis crying and Peridot crying and neither of them saying much of anything after that. But it was, Lapis realized, because trying to help Peridot let her redirect her thoughts towards the gem she loved, who was far more important to her than an accidental almost-fusion. After all, that had only happened because, despite her bad memories, Lapis trusted Peridot enough for it to happen. And no, she should never call _that_ a mistake.

“Hey,” she said quietly once Peridot had gone still and silent against her, “thank you for everything, Dot. You’re great.”

Peridot sniffled and made to lift her head a little but thunked it back down on Lapis’ shoulder a second later. “You just used two nicknames in the span of fifteen minutes. You really take this comforting thing seriously, Laz.”

Lapis blew out an exasperated breath, heat rising to her cheeks. “I’m figuring out which one I like.”

“Mm.”

“What do _you_ like?” she asked, poking Peridot lightly.

“Dot,” she mumbled. “That’s the one Steven gave me first. But I’m fine with any of them.”

“You’re Dot, then,” Lapis decided, pushing Peridot away just enough to place a kiss on her gem.

She ducked her head in embarrassment, swiping at her eyes.

Lapis touched her cheek gently, getting her to look up. “Can I say something?”

Peridot nodded, lifting her eyes to Lapis’ face curiously.

“I…don’t want to promise anything right now,” she began hesitantly, “but if I ever get to a point where…where I think I’m ready to fuse without having some kind of meltdown, then I’d really like it to be with you.” She bit her lip. “Hypothetically. I don’t know if that’ll happen, I just—”

Peridot lunged forward and captured her lips in a swift kiss. “Okay,” she said, beaming from about two inches away. “I will hypothetically be very honored.”

Lapis snorted, closing the small gap between them to kiss her again. “Nerd.”

“You love me anyway.”

“Yeah.”

* * *

The rest of the night passed in quiet companionship, and Lapis and Peridot both fell asleep halfway through their sunrise-watching that morning.

Upon waking to the brightness of the afternoon sky, Lapis found her roommate snugly tucked against her side and took a few moments to appreciate her closeness before gently nudging her awake.

“Lapis?” she muttered sleepily, half sitting up. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said with an honest smile. “Nothing’s wrong.” She still felt a little shaken, but she was okay. She hadn’t even had any nightmares.

“Oh. Good.” Peridot held onto her again. “Good morning.”

“Afternoon.”

“Sure.”

“Peridot?”

“Mm?”

“Do you want to bring some pillows up here? It might be more comfortable that way.”

“Okay.” She rubbed her eyes, moving away to get a better lock at Lapis. “Right now?”

“No, I mean…for next time. And, um, I thought we could put up those pictures from yesterday?”

Peridot’s expression melted into a happy smile and she nodded.

“Okay,” Lapis said, blushing.

Peridot reached over to take Lapis’ hand, squeezing it tightly. “We can think up some other ideas to make the barn feel more like home too!”

“Yeah,” she replied softly, leaning towards her. “That would be good.”

And she was happy to listen to Peridot’s musings as they cuddled together, something about renovations and music and things that didn’t need a purpose.

The roof was sturdy at her back, the sun was bright and warm, and the faint sounds of the ocean weren’t nearly as intimidating as they used to be. Peridot was smiling, Lapis loved her, and they were okay.

They were home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A belated Merry Christmas to everyone! I hope you enjoy this long-awaited conclusion~
> 
> Art/character design is provided by the lovely [clawrenceon](https://clawrenceon.tumblr.com/post/155047191765/and-for-the-grand-finale-of-cym70-s-set-me-free), so please check that out! And many thanks to her for suggesting this fic idea so many months ago <3

Lapis wasn’t very good at keeping track of time on Earth, but she had been there for a while.

Peridot had been there a while too, and sometimes she was still pleasantly surprised by that fact.

They’d made the barn their own, built and created and arranged things however they wanted, constantly adding more. Lapis didn’t know how to put her feelings into words, but she knew that when she saw their barn, the amalgam of their two personalities and the result of all the time they’d spent learning to not be alone, it felt right.

_Lapis_ felt right, being here, being free to stay or go and choosing to stay.

So maybe, after so many new experiences—holidays, human traditions, changing seasons, and time that didn’t feel like chains around her gem as it passed—she was ready for one more.

* * *

Telling Peridot was the hard part.

Not because Peridot wouldn’t want to—she would. She’d made it clear she’d say yes if Lapis ever decided to ask. But Lapis didn’t want it to be a big deal. She didn’t want to have to plan out the perfect moment in which to bring it up, she didn’t want to have to explain why _now_ was better than yesterday, and she didn’t want Peridot to get all perfectionist about it.

_I’m just going to tell her_ , Lapis decided. _Good morning, Peridot, want to try fusion with me?_

It sounded kind of ridiculous when she put it like that, but she figured Peridot would be so excited she wouldn’t notice.

She…would be excited, wouldn’t she?

Lapis shook off the unwanted thought and dipped lower in the sky as she approached the barn.

“Lapis!” A small green figure on the roof waved wildly with both arms as she approached. “Welcome back!”

“Hi, Peridot,” Lapis greeted her, landing lightly beside her a moment later. “How’s it going?”

“I finished!” Peridot pointed proudly to the newly reinforced section of roof—they’d recently had another incident that had interrupted their sunrise-watching and had been quick to start repairs.

“That’s great.” She sat down, pulling her knees in to her chest. “Can we talk?” she added quickly, before she lost her nerve.

Peridot immediately went rigid, eyes wide as she searched Lapis’ face. “…Sure,” she said warily.

It took Lapis a second to realize that _can we talk_ hadn’t been the best way to start off. In _Camp Pining Hearts_ , that always meant a fight or a break-up or something equally upsetting was coming up. “It’s okay,” she said. “It’s a good talk.”

“Oh.” She looked immensely relieved as she took a seat next to Lapis. “About what?”

And, oh _stars_ , suddenly she had no idea how to say it at all.

“Lapis?” Peridot tilted her head questioningly.

“I love you,” Lapis said in a rush.

“I know,” she replied. “I mean, I love you too. This is what we’re talking about?”

“No,” she said, laughing a little as an embarrassed blush rose to her cheeks. “Well, sort of.”

Peridot waited for her to continue, though she clearly wanted to ask a dozen questions.

“I think I’m ready to try it. Fusion.”

Her eyes went wide. “Really?”

“Yeah. If you’re ready too.”

Lapis only caught a quick glimpse of the huge smile on Peridot’s face before she lunged forward, squeezing Lapis tightly. “I’m ready!”

She let out a slow, relieved breath as she pressed her cheek against Peridot’s hair. “Thanks.”

Peridot hugged her even tighter, then let go so she could see Lapis’ face. “You’re sure?” she checked.

Lapis nodded. “It’s been a long time since Malachite and I’m…I’m in a better place now. I want to see if I can do this.”

“Okay.” She took Lapis’ hand. “Just tell me when you want to try and I’ll get everything ready!”

“Everything?” she asked apprehensively. “Dot, I don’t want an audience or anything.”

“No, of course not,” Peridot agreed. “But we have to have music and—and mood lighting at least!”

“Mood lighting?” she laughed.

“It’s like a date, isn’t it?” she said, flustered. “I want to make sure the atmosphere in here is appropriate!”

“Okay, but we should probably do this outside,” Lapis pointed out. “We might wreck the barn if we fuse in here.”

“Good point,” Peridot agreed. “We have no idea how tall we’ll be.”

_We._ It still made Lapis feel nervous, thinking about _we_ , even if she was ready.

“Any music requests?”

She shrugged. “You can pick.”

That earned her a million-watt smile, and Lapis couldn’t help but return it cautiously.

They were going to try, Peridot was happy, and Lapis wasn’t completely panicking. In fact, she was happy too, nervous as she was, and the prospect didn’t seem nearly as terrifying as it had that one night when they had almost fused by accident.

They’d be prepared this time. They were ready.

Peridot’s excitement was contagious, and they spent the rest of the day together, which chipped away some of the stress trying to build up inside of her. In the end, it was about trust—she trusted Peridot and she trusted herself enough now not to be scared.

_I’m ready._

* * *

“Welcome to fusion date night!” Peridot announced grandly when Lapis returned from flying on the evening they’d picked out.

She hadn’t actually _decided_ to go flying, but Peridot insisted she needed some time alone to set everything up and Lapis appreciated the chance to clear her head anyway.

It was easy to see what Peridot had meant as soon as she landed.

The entire front of the barn was strung up with blue and green lights, small and large, with an interesting tangle above the entrance that Lapis assumed was supposed to look like her and Peridot’s gems side by side. In addition to that colorful display, there were candles of all shapes and sizes scattered around, set on top of boxes and flower pots and, in one case, their television. The whole ensemble was so bright and unexpected that she nearly misjudged her landing.

“Thanks,” Lapis said uncertainly, nose wrinkling as she took in about fifty different scents at once.

“Hold on just a minute,” Peridot said, hurrying to light the final few wicks. “Okay, done!” She rushed over to Lapis, beaming at her with her chest puffed up and bow tie securely fastened at her neck. She got up on her tiptoes to give Lapis a kiss before bouncing down again happily. “Do you like it?”

Lapis’ eyes drifted back to the mixture of LEDs and candlelight. “Yeah,” she said honestly. “I like it.” Peridot had clearly put a lot of time and effort into it, and while the whole thing might be a bit… _overdone_ , Lapis couldn’t bring herself to care. It was sweet.

“Good!” Peridot declared. “Oh, and I haven’t done the flower petals yet! Do you want to help scatter them?”

“Flower petals?” Lapis repeated. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” she replied with a shrug. “The internet said it was romantic.”

“Hmm.” She looked at the large bundle of flowers sitting near the barn. “Okay. Can’t we just scatter the whole flowers instead of ripping them up? We could try and plant them later.”

“That’s an even better idea!” Peridot agreed. “I _thought_ it was kind of silly to buy flowers to destroy, but I figured I should check with you first just in case.” She gathered up the pile and gave Lapis approximately half before heading to the outer edges of her little set-up and placing them down one at a time.

Lapis smiled and took the opposite side, scattering them more randomly as she walked along. She finished quickly and met Peridot in the middle, sticking the last flower into her hair and giving her a kiss on the gem. “So what comes next?” she asked lightly.

“Next is—oh, music!” Peridot ran over to the small speaker arrangement where she’d plugged in her tablet and quickly tapped a few times on the screen. “There. Now we can have our date.”

Lapis listened to the first couple notes and immediately recognized the music, unable to hold back a snort of laughter. “Kesha?”

“I—I figured it was good to dance to!” she said, blush beginning to rise on her cheeks.

“Suuure.” And it was Peridot’s favorite, she knew, judging by the hundred times she’d heard this playlist. She really should have expected as much.

The two of them settled on the picnic blanket Peridot had spread out, and Lapis was a little relieved to see it wasn’t going to be an actual picnic. Eating before a fusion attempt seemed like a bad idea.

Instead, they just relaxed and talked and watched the candles flicker in the open air.

It was clear that Lapis was meant to decide when things should happen, which she appreciated even if it was nerve-wracking. She kept thinking _okay, how about now_ , only to find she couldn’t push the words from her throat. And it was easy, with Peridot, to think about other things and get lost in the kisses lavished upon her in the quiet moments.

The night was already half gone, she realized, and she wondered if Peridot was disappointed.

“Laz?”

She pulled her eyes away from a twist of blue-green light adorning the left side of the barn. “Yeah?”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to dance tonight.”

Lapis found herself at a loss for words for a moment. Every now and then, Peridot seemed like a mind reader. More often, she just happened to stumble across what Lapis needed to hear.

“I mean, I know we planned it that way, but as long as you’re having fun, I don’t really care if—”

“Thank you,” Lapis said in a rush, interrupting. “But I want to.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I do.” Lapis let out a slow breath. “I just…needed a little while.”

“Oh, okay.” Peridot looked surprised but pleased, cheeks dark in the dim light. “Um, in that case, well…” She jumped to her feet and cleared her throat, extending one hand towards Lapis. “May I have this dance?”

It was a world of difference from _fuse with me_ , from a large hand snatching at hers.

And Lapis was different too.

She took Peridot’s hand carefully and let the smaller gem pull her upright. “Yes.”

If she didn’t know any better, she’d say Peridot’s gem was already glowing, her face bright as she awkwardly settled her hands on Lapis’ shoulders.

“Maybe we should try it like this,” Lapis corrected gently, moving Peridot’s hands to her waist instead. It would be easier that way, with their height difference. She settled her arms over Peridot’s shoulders, hands clasped near the base of her neck.

She was struck suddenly by how close they were, even though it was nothing new.

And that—Peridot’s smile and the way she held on a little too carefully and how excited she was—made her pause. Because she had to be sure this was right for Peridot too.

Lapis took a tiny step back, keeping Peridot’s gaze. “Are you sure about this?” she asked quietly. “You want this to be your first fusion?”

“Completely sure,” Peridot replied, and her voice held all the confidence Lapis lacked, like she hadn’t even considered another option. “You’re the ideal candidate.”

She couldn’t help but laugh a little. “ _Ideal?_ ”

“Well, alright, objectively you’re not the most ideal choice, but…you’re _my_ ideal choice. I want to do this with you, Lapis.”

She meant it. She really, honestly meant it, even after hearing all the ugly, awful parts of Lapis’ past.

Lapis tightened her grip minutely. “Thanks,” she whispered. “I want it too.”

“You’re okay?” Peridot checked.

“I’m okay.” She smiled. “May I have this dance, Dot?”

Peridot nodded happily.

The speakers were still playing the same music, albeit quieter than before, and Lapis eyed them skeptically as Peridot pulled her into a swaying back-and-forth sort of movement. “You want us to slow-dance to _this?_ ” she asked. She supposed it was possible, but it definitely clashed.

“I don’t know!” Peridot said heatedly. “I thought it was supposed to be romantic. I’ve never done this before.”

“I’m teasing,” Lapis said, laughing a little as she tilted her forehead down to touch Peridot’s.

“Also this might be a good time to mention I’ve never actually danced either,” Peridot mumbled.

“ _Ever?_ ”

“It’s not really a Peridot thing. Back on Homeworld, I mean. And, uh, while my hand-eye coordination is of course highly refined…”

“You can be kinda clumsy, yeah,” Lapis finished with a smile.

Peridot scowled but couldn’t argue. “It’s what happens when you spend most of your life in limb enhancers.” She shrugged. “Anyway, I studied extensively online to prepare, I just haven’t tried performing any of the dances myself.”

“That’s okay,” Lapis said reassuringly. “You’ll figure it out; you’re a fast learner.”

She brightened. “Right! So, um, if you’re okay with leading…”

There was a part of her that still recoiled at the thought of leading anything— _don’t put me in charge_ —but she didn’t dwell on it. “I think so,” she replied. “Tell me if you want to stop though.”

“I will.”

 Lapis kissed her on the cheek and then let go, moving to take her hands instead.

Peridot blinked in surprise, but let Lapis guide her into a steady rhythm in time with the music. Back and forth, back and forth, until she relaxed into it, blushing when she noticed how close Lapis was.

“Doing good?” she asked quietly.

“Yeah. You?”

“I’m good,” Lapis replied, surprised to find that she meant it, that this was just _fun_ , trying something new with Peridot, same as always. Her body easily fell back into familiar motions. Dancing wasn’t technically a Lapis Lazuli’s job either, back on Homeworld, but she and the others had always enjoyed it as a pastime. Sometimes their Diamond even—

No. No, this was not the time to think about that.

…Even if it was a little bit funny to imagine what kind of horrified expression Blue Diamond would be wearing if she saw this.

But tonight was for Lapis and Peridot and no one else.

Lapis let go for a moment, coaxing a few small streams of water from their lake and twirling them intricately around her body as she moved, letting them become part of her dance.

Peridot watched, eyes wide, as Lapis spun in place. Then, boldly, she began dancing on her own as well—a little uneven, but keeping pace with Lapis despite her inexperience.

Lapis wasn’t quite sure what to _call_ Peridot’s style of dancing, but it was kind of bouncy and precise at the same time, like she’d taken to heart every dancing lesson from her research but her mind was going too fast for her body to follow it completely, so it just filled in the gaps with awkward and cute, almost flirty moves.

Peridot stretched an arm out to Lapis a moment later, smiling widely as she pointed to the water curling in the air and around Lapis. “Can you do that with me too?”

Lapis let herself think about it for a few seconds—she was still hesitant to use her powers in _that_ close of proximity to friends—and then nodded, sending some of it spiraling out to glide over Peridot’s arms and twine loosely around them as she moved.

She laughed happily, then took hold of Lapis again, water dancing around them. “This is like meep-morp,” Peridot whispered conspiratorially.

“Yeah.” And Lapis really couldn’t care less about fusion in that moment. It was _fun_ , this type of meep-morp, and it felt good. “It’s a collaborative piece.”

Peridot spun her in place, more than content to be lifted off her feet as Lapis held her close, laughing and pressing their foreheads together and feeling warm and—

Oh, that was Peridot’s gem shining, wasn’t it? And likely hers too, from the feel of it.

“Do you want to stop?” Peridot whispered, arms locked over Lapis’ shoulders, one hand brushing the teardrop-shaped gem on her back.

She loved Peridot for asking. “No,” she said firmly. “I’m ready.”

“Okay.”

It seemed odd, that Peridot was the one taking control—no, that wasn’t the right way to put it. Peridot was leading, carefully, gently. She was the one who pulled Lapis close and whispered “thank you” and let it happen.

Well, they both let it happen, but Lapis appreciated the guidance. She wasn’t being yanked into this fusion like she had been with Malachite—there was no sudden _I’m not me_ or overwhelming anger or anything.

They just stopped being two gems and started being...

New.

She found herself standing in the center of Peridot’s arrangements, with everything looking a bit smaller than it used to.

“Lapis? Peridot?” Her voice was different, all her own. All _whose_ own? But she’d get to that later. First she had to make sure everything was okay.

But there was no rush of panic, no real fear beyond the fear of _this is the first time_ and _I want this to go right._ She was okay. They were okay.

The fusion dropped to her knees in the grass and hugged herself, smiling.

_Couldn’t have asked for a better first try._

She gave herself a few minutes to just be _together_ , and then let her arms fall to her sides, noticing her own mottled light-and-dark green skin and the denim pinafore that hung comfortably from her shoulders. _Nice._

Now she could get to the fun part.

She wanted at least enough time to explore who she was before they split apart. Things felt surprisingly balanced and steady at the moment, but just in case anything happened…

“Okay!” She clapped her hands to her face in some attempt to psych herself up. “Ow.” There were eyes there, she noted. Not that she hadn’t _noticed_ the enhanced field of vision, but she hadn’t really thought it through properly. “Not doing that again.” Her upper set of eyes, at least, seemed to be protected by a visor when she checked.

Finding a mirror wouldn’t be too hard, she figured. She could use Lapis’ hydrokinesis to make one, most likely, if the second pair of water-like limbs she could feel tucked away behind her back were any indication that she’d inherited that ability.

But maybe it was better to find a real mirror for the time being, since she’d only just formed. She could feel the weight of Malachite in the back of her mind, and she wanted to take things slow, make sure there was absolutely no resemblance to that part of Lapis’ history. This was supposed to be helpful, and healing.

There _was_ that one piece of meep-morp, wasn’t there? The one Lapis had made early on, with the mirrors and the television and—yes, that would work!

She ran into the barn, ducking a little as she went through the doorway despite the fact that she wasn’t actually tall enough to hit her head on anything besides the cloth draped over the entrance. She knelt down next to the piece carefully. It would be easier to remove the mirrored circles, but Lapis had worked hard on it and there was no way she’d interfere with that. So instead she leaned back and forth at various angles until she could get a good look at her face and—of course—her gems.

Her hair had some of Peridot’s triangular shape, though there were bangs that fell soft over part of her gem. It was rounded at the edges too instead of sculpted into sharper points, a fluffy ponytail swept up over her head. Meanwhile, her visor cut straight across her face, a lighter green tint that stood out against the darker skin behind it. She pushed her hair aside to get a better look at the gem on her forehead.

_Dioptase_ , she thought as soon as she caught a glimpse, surprised by the flash of knowledge. Peridot’s memories, perhaps? Or Lapis’? There wasn’t much difference between the two at the moment.

“Dioptase,” she repeated out loud. “I’m Dioptase.”

She repeated the name to herself a couple more times, feeling warm at the sound of it.

_Lapis and Peridot and Dioptase._

Perfect.

“Lapis? Peridot?” a familiar voice called from outside.

“Oh, Steven!” she exclaimed, hurrying to the door. “Hello!”

“Whoa! Are you—Did you—Ohhh my gosh, you’re so cool!” Steven rushed over to the fusion and jumped up into her arms for a hug.

“Thanks,” she replied, a little flustered. “I’m Dioptase, by the way.”

“Dioptase,” he repeated happily. “Awesome! Oh, and I’m really sorry I interrupted your fancy night in, but I wanted to drop off that paint you guys asked for! Also your candles are nearly gone, and Garnet says to blow them out before they’re a fire hazard.”

“Oops.” Dioptase laughed and quickly splashed a little bit of water over the candles, putting them out with a little hiss of smoke from each in turn. “There we go.” She glanced back at Steven. “Aren’t you usually asleep right now?”

“Oh, yeah, but the Gems let me and Connie stay up for the all-night _Under the Knife_ marathon.” He yawned. “There’s only a few more episodes left and then we’re supposed to go to bed. But I definitely can’t fall asleep now!” Steven added with a big smile. “You fused! You’re a fusion! I’m really happy for you!”

“Thanks!” Dioptase said, giving him a careful squeeze before letting go. “I’ll let you get back to your show then! Unless you want to stay for a little while.”

“I definitely want to stay!” he replied. “Is that okay?”

“Of course,” she said eagerly. “Come on, we can… What should we do? Oh! You said something about paint earlier?”

“Yep, it’s that box over there. Dad says it’s mostly leftovers that he held onto, but there’s still a lot in there! And I brought some new cans as well.”

“Great!” Dioptase hurried over to inspect the large box of paint cans. “Let’s paint something,” she declared.

“Okay! Where?”

She thought about it for a moment. Most of the inside of the barn was spoken for. And while they did have a small stack of canvases off to one side, that didn’t really appeal to her. She wanted to make something _big_ , something she could keep working on whenever Lapis and Peridot decided to bring her back in the future. “How about over here?”

The side of the barn—the one without their sort of aquarium in the wall—was free to use, wasn’t it?

Steven nodded encouragingly and helped her pull all of Lapis and Peridot’s art supplies out of the barn until they were surrounded by colors and paintbrushes. “What do you want to make?”

“Hmm…” Dioptase gazed at the wall for a long moment. “You start it,” she said with a smile, lifting Steven onto her shoulders and then picking up a pretty shade of blue out from the paint. “Earth, up at the top.”

“Okay,” Steven said happily, accepting the paintbrush and reaching up precariously to begin, careful not to drip paint on her.

Dioptase lost track of time quickly, more than content to watch Steven paint for a few minutes before joining in herself, sectioning off the upper parts of the wall before beginning work on the first portion. Steven stayed on her shoulders, holding the paintbrushes she wasn’t using and watching in amazement as she filled in little details.

If it wasn’t her very first time, she would have tried making her own paints—she knew instinctively that she could—but working with these Earth-made colors had meaning too.

She felt at home there, working on her very own meep-morp and being a part of Lapis’ and Peridot’s story. This was _right_ , in a way that she hadn’t expected. This would be something they could look at to remember, and to appreciate where they were now.

Dioptase painted all through the night, only noticing when the sun came up and she realized Steven had fallen asleep, his head cushioned in her ponytail.

“I guess it’s time to stop,” she murmured reluctantly, gazing up at her work one last time before reaching up to get Steven safely down on the ground. “Well, it’s looking good,” she decided, crouching down to the corner to sign the wall in big, curvy letters. _Dioptase._ Then, as an afterthought, she added _Peridot_ and _Lapis_ as well. It was theirs too, after all, and it was about them.

Two very different gems, tiny figures beginning at opposite corners of the wall and moving towards the center. Tidbits of their life—in court and in kindergartens—were shown along the way, leading up to their very first encounters with Earth. Lapis lost in her mirror for thousands of years, Peridot stumbling across Steven during a routine job. She’d had to leave off halfway through painting the ship where they’d first met on their journey to Earth, but she’d finish that next time.

She really, really hoped there would be a next time, because she liked existing and she wanted to be able to give them—give herself—this mural. She needed it.

But it was time to go. Peridot and Lapis needed a break before being together like this started being too overwhelming, and they needed to make sure Steven got back to the temple safely too.

Dioptase took a deep breath and let go, breathing a quiet “thank you” to her two components before they split apart smoothly.

Lapis was almost surprised by how easy it was to be just herself again; there was no struggle to stay together, no agony of being ripped apart. She reformed with Peridot still in her arms and hugged her tight to her chest for a moment before separating. It was hard to find any words to express her thoughts with, but just seeing Peridot smile back at her was more than enough for now.

“We’re okay?” the smaller gem whispered, not looking away for a second.

Lapis nodded. “We’re great,” she whispered back. “Dioptase is great.”

Peridot nodded happily and hugged her again. “Talk about it later?” she asked, pointing to Steven.

“Yeah.” Lapis gathered Steven into her arms, careful not to wake him, and watched as Peridot pulled over the metal lid she still insisted on using for flying. She was, at least, significantly better at it now.

It was a quick trip to the temple, and they were met by Garnet at the door, who took Steven without a word and gave both of them a thumbs up. “Have her come say hello when she’s ready,” she added in a low voice.

Peridot grinned, taking Lapis’ hand proudly. “We will!”

Lapis blushed and pulled her away from the door, ready to get back to their barn.

They returned to the same calm sunrise they watched every morning, Lapis flying them up to the roof to watch. Peridot settled against her shoulder, making a small content sound as Lapis’ arm curved around her.

Neither of them really spoke, just lay there and let their minds wander back to Dioptase and how it had felt to be part of her.

Lapis liked it. She liked that she _could_ like it, that fusion hadn’t been ruined for her. One bad experience _didn’t_ negate the possibility of good. And it was with Peridot, which made it even better.

Malachite had been a terrible mistake, but she was gone. It was easier to let go of her now, easier to forgive herself and perhaps begin to forgive Jasper too. And easier to look at the thousands of years of life she’d lost without feeling only bitterness. It had all gotten her here, hadn’t it? As awful as it was, and as awful as it would always make her feel on her bad days, she was free from it now.

She had a home, didn’t she? She and Peridot had a home here, and Dioptase was a part of that too. Part of them, and part of a future Lapis had never expected to have. She knew that Earth’s peace right now was fragile, but she’d fight to protect it. She’d make sure that it lasted as long as it could, for Peridot’s sake and her own. For Steven too, because he loved this planet enough to reach out and make them start to love it too. He’d helped them make it a real home and not just a place where they were stuck.

And _home_ , she thought as she pulled Peridot close, was all she’d ever really wanted.


End file.
